Goodness, gracious, great balls of... Me!
Ok, ok, I know it's been a while since I've taken the opportunity to enrich your meager lives with the wit and charm you've come to know, expect and love. But, in my defense, I've, uh, been really busy...?
Anyway, I don't really have anything new or exciting to discuss. The most interesting thing that's happened around here lately is we got rid of Moose, our half Saint Bernard, half bloodhound puppy. I say "puppy" because he's only a little over a year old and has the attention span of a goldfish. Now, imagine a 120 pound goldfish with a tail like a baseball bat, and you really get the idear. Good dog - but a little dumb... and clumsy... and a digger... and a barker...
But enough about the dog. Let's talk about me some more.
Just watched another FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC episode of So You Think You Can Dance! We're down to the final four and next week is the finale. It's kind of bittersweet for me because I'm really looking forward to the finale and I'm dying to see who's going to win, but on the other hand I don't want to see the season end - oh, what's a girl to do??
I don't want to gay it up too much, but there was one routine that nearly pushed me over to the other side. I won't go into specifics, so suffice to say it was hit or miss there for a few minutes. I had to go wake the wife up and verify my hetero-ness. I just wish I could have done it without Joshua's image in my mind...
But I digress. Work is going pretty well, although there was a rumor of layoffs floating around. Ok, I admit, I was pretty much orchestrating the rumor. Even so, it was pretty interesting. I guess I overdid it a bit because a couple people got scared and told their manager about the rumor I was bandying about, so I got called into a meeting with one of the managers to set my mind at ease. I told him I wasn't worried on account of my being such a genius computer nerd, but he basically asked me to knock it the hell off with the rumor-mongoring, and such. He didn't come right out and chastise me directly, but I got his point readily enough. ;-) Ain't I a stinker?
Suzanne got a new hobby recently - skeet shooting. In fact, she went right out and bought herself a brand new 12-gauge over/under shotgun. Fortunately, money's a little tight these day - but that didn't worry her one little bit. And even though I suggested that she wait to see if she really wants to commit to this hobby, she was brave enough to not let it slow her down at all. She even poo-poo'd my advice that she buy a pump-action shotgun, rather than an over/under, so that it would be of more use if she was out on a trail ride and was attacked by a puma, or a bear, or something. My thinking is, the more shells you can fire off, the more likely you might actually hit something. Her thinking is... well, she doesn't bother with any of that, she just likes the look of the over/under better. That's why I love her... ??
And finally, the boys are both signed up for football this year. Chase was a little small last year with his long skinny bones and whatnot. This year he's actually taller and thinner, if that's even possible, but he'll be one of the older, if not bigger, players. Also, a couple of his buddies are going to be playing.
Chris is up to nearly 5 feet and a little over 100 pounds, so he'll be among the bigger kids on the team, but still not so heavy that he can't play one of the "back" positions. The cutoff is 110 pounds to play quarterback, or running back, etc. Otherwise, it's on the line, Fatty. Sadly, he has little to no quarterback or running back skills, so it's kind of immaterial at this point.
I can't really coach both teams, so I've decided to coach Chase's team since last year I coached Chris's team. Not to mention I like Chase WAY better than Chris. Of the boys, he's my favorite. Kayla's still my favorite girl, of course, and indeed my favorite, overall. So, it goes like this: Kayla, Chase, Stephanie, then Chris. I was really pulling for Stephanie to nudge up into second place, but that darn Chase is just so cute, I couldn't bring myself to cut him.
Ok, I know I'm not supposed to have favorites, but it's not like they're ever gonna read this blog and find out the horrible truth. It's the perfect crime!
On the other hand, Stephanie IS working to be a doctor one day, which means that she might actually be able to support me in my dotage, so I might want to reconsider my rankings. But, no matter how you slice it, Chris is definitely last! That poor kind don't got a chance! Then again, he's going to be bigger than me in about a year and a half, so by the time he's 18, he'll probably be able to bend me into a bloody pretzel, so I might have to move him up by the time it occurs to him to look into the standings.
Ok, so for now, it's Kayla, Chase, Steph then Chris. But, "officially", it's Stephanie (for the money), Chris (because he might hurt me one day), Kayla (because she's in the military and I might need to become her dependent one day for medical purposes), then Chase (because he's small and weak, and not likely to become a doctor or join the military - thus of no real value in the long run).
Whew, I'm glad I got that sorted. Now to go sleep like a baby!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Ode to Carlin - another sad day.
Grief in Sidney..
Anybody who knows me knows that I'm a fan of George Carlin from way back (remember, I'm old). I remember being a kid and listening to an album (yes, an LP album) called "Toledo Windowbox" and thinking, "this guy's a genius". I saw his first HBO special "Carlin at Carnegie" and had pretty much memorized it. One of my favorite quotes of all time is "Have you ever noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place." I recorded that line into the very first answering machine my family ever owned and, boy, was my mom pissed!
So, it was with a heavy heart that I heard that George passed away on Sunday of heart failure. He'd already had several heart attacks and he wasn't exactly known for his physical fitness - even so, I really had hoped that he'd be with us for a lot longer (he was only 71).
I think what I liked best about him was his absolute refusal to accept bullshit. He realized that religion was a crutch for truly weak-minded people and he didn't mind rubbing their noses in it. He made sure that politicians were soundly thrashed (remember Reagan and his criminal gang) and he eschewed euphemisms and mocked any who used them. He basically said everything I believe at one point or another.
So, rather than go into all the reasons why I liked and admired him, let me just say that I'll miss him. He really was the original voice of the hippie generation, and ended up being the voice of several generations thereafter.
Sorry that this wasn't my usual funnier-than-shit self, but I'm kinda sad. I think tomorrow I'm going to go out and see if I can't find a copy of "Toledo Windowbox". On CD, though, not LP. I liked the guy, but I'm not going to buy a record player just to listen to 35 year old comedy - genius though it may have been! He wasn't Saint Carlin after all. :-)
If you like political humor, check out his stuff - especially from the 80's. If you're easily offended... well, you probably shouldn't be reading this fucking blog in the first place! ;-)
Anybody who knows me knows that I'm a fan of George Carlin from way back (remember, I'm old). I remember being a kid and listening to an album (yes, an LP album) called "Toledo Windowbox" and thinking, "this guy's a genius". I saw his first HBO special "Carlin at Carnegie" and had pretty much memorized it. One of my favorite quotes of all time is "Have you ever noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place." I recorded that line into the very first answering machine my family ever owned and, boy, was my mom pissed!
So, it was with a heavy heart that I heard that George passed away on Sunday of heart failure. He'd already had several heart attacks and he wasn't exactly known for his physical fitness - even so, I really had hoped that he'd be with us for a lot longer (he was only 71).
I think what I liked best about him was his absolute refusal to accept bullshit. He realized that religion was a crutch for truly weak-minded people and he didn't mind rubbing their noses in it. He made sure that politicians were soundly thrashed (remember Reagan and his criminal gang) and he eschewed euphemisms and mocked any who used them. He basically said everything I believe at one point or another.
So, rather than go into all the reasons why I liked and admired him, let me just say that I'll miss him. He really was the original voice of the hippie generation, and ended up being the voice of several generations thereafter.
Sorry that this wasn't my usual funnier-than-shit self, but I'm kinda sad. I think tomorrow I'm going to go out and see if I can't find a copy of "Toledo Windowbox". On CD, though, not LP. I liked the guy, but I'm not going to buy a record player just to listen to 35 year old comedy - genius though it may have been! He wasn't Saint Carlin after all. :-)
If you like political humor, check out his stuff - especially from the 80's. If you're easily offended... well, you probably shouldn't be reading this fucking blog in the first place! ;-)
Friday, June 6, 2008
Stoopidity in the workplace.
Sadness from Sidney,
Ok, not really sadness, more like disgusted frustration. We've interviewed about a million people for our open Unix position (linux/solaris). Half of the people suck and the other half are unqualified (due to suckage).
Basically, they're all stupid. Most, however, are stupid in the most insidious way: They THINK they're intelligent because they're comparing themselves to the REALLY stupid people that they work with.
For instance, some guy might rate himself an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10. But, he only knows how dumb he is in comparison to the "smartest" guy in the shop. Naturally, on the Anthony Scale, he's really only about a 5 or so. So, when he shows up all proud of himself ready to "wow" us, he ends up leaving sad and even a little dirty - mostly because of all the sucking up he had to do to overcome his uselessness.
Back in Omaha, we worked with a guy named Dan. Dan was, in a nutshell, a dumbass. However, he fancied himself a really smart guy who had the misfortune of having to work with three or four super-smart guys. It bummed him out because he was used to always being the smartest guy in the room, until he came to Mutual. Suddenly, he was basically the dumbest.
The sad thing is, stupid people are completely oblivious to their own shortcomings. When I was a kid, I used to think that stupid people stayed awake at night, bemoaning their intellectual limits. Little did I realize at the time, those people slept like babies! They didn't stay up late at night because they had no idear that they were morons. They figured, at worst, they were average.
Regrettably, I'm still dealing with these mental midgets today. Here's an example: we had a guy in recently who was applying for the Solaris position. I told him at the time that I was the resident Solaris expert. He admitted that his Solaris knowledge was a bit rusty, but was ready to show me his stuff.
About halfway through the interview, I asked him a middle of the road technical question. He had the right idear, but the wrong filename. I guess I gave something away with my body language, because he immediately became defensive. I told him that he did indeed have the right idear, he was jut quoting the wrong filename.
He sat back a little smugly and explained how I must be mistaken because he remembered quite clearly the name of the file. I felt a little like Phil Helmuth when he's holding the nut flush and some guy with a pair of queens just went all-in. But, I'm a nice guy and I didn't want to hurt his little feelings, so I gave him a chance to get off the hook. I said something like, "As the resident Solaris expert, I can tell you right now that you've got the filename wrong. But, it's no big deal, so let's just move on."
This wasn't the first time he'd been wrong, so I was positive he'd demur politely and let it go. BUT HE DIDN'T! He continued arguing with me that he was right - he even became a little aggressive, leaning forward with raised eyebrows. I tried to calm him down and I gave him one last chance to get off the hook by saying something like "I'm positive that you've got the filename wrong - but, don't sweat it, let's just move on."
He sat back with arms crossed and an angry face. Then, he finally noticed the confident look on my face and he started to backtrack and apologize for being aggressive by explaining he was just having a hard time of the interview, etc. But, he was still pretty sure he was right.
Finally, I busted out the correct answer. He slapped his forehead with both hands then dropped his head to the table and covered his face with his hands. I honestly thought he was going to cry. He eventually sat back up and admitted I was absolutely right (as if!) and fell all over himself apologizing for being so argumentative, etc. I told him it was ok, but we both knew he'd pretty much talked his way out of a job.
This is exactly what I'm talking about - stupid people honestly have no idear that they're stupid. I wish I could say this guy was the exception and not the rule, but I'm afraid that isn't the case.
Although, to be perfectly honest, I appreciate the fact that stupid people are out there - it just makes me look better by comparison. :-)
Cya!
Ok, not really sadness, more like disgusted frustration. We've interviewed about a million people for our open Unix position (linux/solaris). Half of the people suck and the other half are unqualified (due to suckage).
Basically, they're all stupid. Most, however, are stupid in the most insidious way: They THINK they're intelligent because they're comparing themselves to the REALLY stupid people that they work with.
For instance, some guy might rate himself an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10. But, he only knows how dumb he is in comparison to the "smartest" guy in the shop. Naturally, on the Anthony Scale, he's really only about a 5 or so. So, when he shows up all proud of himself ready to "wow" us, he ends up leaving sad and even a little dirty - mostly because of all the sucking up he had to do to overcome his uselessness.
Back in Omaha, we worked with a guy named Dan. Dan was, in a nutshell, a dumbass. However, he fancied himself a really smart guy who had the misfortune of having to work with three or four super-smart guys. It bummed him out because he was used to always being the smartest guy in the room, until he came to Mutual. Suddenly, he was basically the dumbest.
The sad thing is, stupid people are completely oblivious to their own shortcomings. When I was a kid, I used to think that stupid people stayed awake at night, bemoaning their intellectual limits. Little did I realize at the time, those people slept like babies! They didn't stay up late at night because they had no idear that they were morons. They figured, at worst, they were average.
Regrettably, I'm still dealing with these mental midgets today. Here's an example: we had a guy in recently who was applying for the Solaris position. I told him at the time that I was the resident Solaris expert. He admitted that his Solaris knowledge was a bit rusty, but was ready to show me his stuff.
About halfway through the interview, I asked him a middle of the road technical question. He had the right idear, but the wrong filename. I guess I gave something away with my body language, because he immediately became defensive. I told him that he did indeed have the right idear, he was jut quoting the wrong filename.
He sat back a little smugly and explained how I must be mistaken because he remembered quite clearly the name of the file. I felt a little like Phil Helmuth when he's holding the nut flush and some guy with a pair of queens just went all-in. But, I'm a nice guy and I didn't want to hurt his little feelings, so I gave him a chance to get off the hook. I said something like, "As the resident Solaris expert, I can tell you right now that you've got the filename wrong. But, it's no big deal, so let's just move on."
This wasn't the first time he'd been wrong, so I was positive he'd demur politely and let it go. BUT HE DIDN'T! He continued arguing with me that he was right - he even became a little aggressive, leaning forward with raised eyebrows. I tried to calm him down and I gave him one last chance to get off the hook by saying something like "I'm positive that you've got the filename wrong - but, don't sweat it, let's just move on."
He sat back with arms crossed and an angry face. Then, he finally noticed the confident look on my face and he started to backtrack and apologize for being aggressive by explaining he was just having a hard time of the interview, etc. But, he was still pretty sure he was right.
Finally, I busted out the correct answer. He slapped his forehead with both hands then dropped his head to the table and covered his face with his hands. I honestly thought he was going to cry. He eventually sat back up and admitted I was absolutely right (as if!) and fell all over himself apologizing for being so argumentative, etc. I told him it was ok, but we both knew he'd pretty much talked his way out of a job.
This is exactly what I'm talking about - stupid people honestly have no idear that they're stupid. I wish I could say this guy was the exception and not the rule, but I'm afraid that isn't the case.
Although, to be perfectly honest, I appreciate the fact that stupid people are out there - it just makes me look better by comparison. :-)
Cya!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Hah!
Read 'Em and Weep from Sidney,
That's right, folks, my crazy green bike dreams have finally been realized (no thanks to you non-house buying people).
It's easily the coolest bike in the world. Here's what it looked like immediately off the trailer:
Naturally, I couldn't just leave it completely stock, so here's what it looks like now:
I realize that most of you are really jealous and even a little angry. I completely understand - I'd feel the same way myself if I were you. In the meantime, feel free to download a copy of these images for yourself. That way, you'll be one step closer to greatness.
BTW, the bike rides like a dream. It's so much nicer than the old bike that it's almost embarrassing. Embarrassing because I nearly bought this exact bike (just not green) back in '03. But, since the dealer wouldn't haggle with me, I decided to buy a different bike from a different dealer. I sure showed them!
So, for the last 5 years, I've been riding a bike that was my second choice. But now, I've finally come into my own, riding the bike I've wanted all along. Yay me!
All I need now are some highway pegs and possibly different pipes. The pipes in the picture in my May 07 post look really cool (and are probably really loud). I might go with those if they're not too ridiculously expensive. For now, I'm pretty darn content.
I'm thinking about selling my little car since I doubt I'll be driving anything other than my bike from now on - unless of course, there's a bad snow storm or something.
On a side note, you should see the killer sunburn I got on the poker run I rode this weekend. I had everything planned out except the sunscreen. Ah, c'est la vie.
P.S. I love my new bike.
That's right, folks, my crazy green bike dreams have finally been realized (no thanks to you non-house buying people).
It's easily the coolest bike in the world. Here's what it looked like immediately off the trailer:
Naturally, I couldn't just leave it completely stock, so here's what it looks like now:
I realize that most of you are really jealous and even a little angry. I completely understand - I'd feel the same way myself if I were you. In the meantime, feel free to download a copy of these images for yourself. That way, you'll be one step closer to greatness.
BTW, the bike rides like a dream. It's so much nicer than the old bike that it's almost embarrassing. Embarrassing because I nearly bought this exact bike (just not green) back in '03. But, since the dealer wouldn't haggle with me, I decided to buy a different bike from a different dealer. I sure showed them!
So, for the last 5 years, I've been riding a bike that was my second choice. But now, I've finally come into my own, riding the bike I've wanted all along. Yay me!
All I need now are some highway pegs and possibly different pipes. The pipes in the picture in my May 07 post look really cool (and are probably really loud). I might go with those if they're not too ridiculously expensive. For now, I'm pretty darn content.
I'm thinking about selling my little car since I doubt I'll be driving anything other than my bike from now on - unless of course, there's a bad snow storm or something.
On a side note, you should see the killer sunburn I got on the poker run I rode this weekend. I had everything planned out except the sunscreen. Ah, c'est la vie.
P.S. I love my new bike.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Motorcycle, WTF??
Happy belated Cinco De Mayo!
Well, it looks like the crazy green motorcycle project of 08 is back in the works. If your memory is really poor, here's another picture to jog your recollection:
As it turns out, the bike of my dreams was in Boulder, CO. all along. Who knew? Certainly not that dumbass in Cheyenne who wanted to sell me that second rate purple bastard.
So, now it's just a matter of time to get the bike transported up to Scottsbluff (about 60 miles away) so that they can modify the handlebars and install a windscreen.
I'm kind of hoping they could have it finished this weekend, but I'm not holding my breath. If I've learned nothing else when it comes to this motorcycle hunt of mine, it's this: Don't get your damn, useless hopes up.
Therefore, I'm not getting excited until I get my hot, little, sexy hands on it. If I do, you'll be the, well, like 8th, 9th and or 10th to know. So, watch this space... either intense jubilation, or pitying despair... you be the judge.
Well, it looks like the crazy green motorcycle project of 08 is back in the works. If your memory is really poor, here's another picture to jog your recollection:
As it turns out, the bike of my dreams was in Boulder, CO. all along. Who knew? Certainly not that dumbass in Cheyenne who wanted to sell me that second rate purple bastard.
So, now it's just a matter of time to get the bike transported up to Scottsbluff (about 60 miles away) so that they can modify the handlebars and install a windscreen.
I'm kind of hoping they could have it finished this weekend, but I'm not holding my breath. If I've learned nothing else when it comes to this motorcycle hunt of mine, it's this: Don't get your damn, useless hopes up.
Therefore, I'm not getting excited until I get my hot, little, sexy hands on it. If I do, you'll be the, well, like 8th, 9th and or 10th to know. So, watch this space... either intense jubilation, or pitying despair... you be the judge.
Monday, April 28, 2008
It's been a while...
since last we spoke...
So many things have been going on recently that they've obviously overwhelmed my ability to blog all about it. Even so, I'm going to soldier on and give it my best effort right now.
First, my oldest daughter was out recently. She actually made the trip to Sunny Sidney with her (possibly serial killer) boyfriend. They were plenty bored most of the time, but there were moments of entertainment. We played a little rock band and plenty of XBox (well, the SKBF and the boys did anyway). We also played a little racquetball - I say a "little" racquetball because the competition left a "little" to be desired. ;-)
Not long after they left, we went down to the Ford dealership, threw the old diesel up on the counter and said, "Gimme another one of them!" While we were at it, we also traded in the dodge 1500 for a, wait for it, Ford Focus. (The car is just a bit too large to fit into my wallet, unless I take out ALL the credit cards.)
Both vehicles are Ford Metallic Blue and they both have basically all the options you could cram in. For instance, they both have sirius satellite radio, they both have power sun roofs (rooves? roofes?), power windows, locks, trunk openers, etc. The diesel even has power mirrors that stretch out for pulling a trailer, and pull in for when you're driving into your garage or the car-wash.
We got a fantastic deal, but it's going to be a while before they're both fully paid off. The Focus pays for itself in gas, though, getting anywhere from 33 to 38 mpg on the highway (depending on the wind). Don't get too close to any trucks, though, as they'll nearly blow you off the road (but in a bad way).
Last week I was in Denver attending an IBM training course. It mainly focused on the Power 6 hardware and virtualization. It was a really good course and I was surprised to find that I really learned a lot.
As you probably know, I never did end up buying the motorcycle. :-( I think I mentioned in an earlier post that the guy somehow confused the year 2003 with 2006 when calculating the value of my trade in. Needless to say, I was not amused, and the deal fell through. I'll look again later in the season. Although, I did see a really nice Star motorcycle on the way home today... Kind of a black cherry color and a really great shape. I don't know much about Star motorcycles, but when I'm done with this post, I'm gonna check it out.
Suzanne loves her new diesel. It's a little bit narrower, and a little shorter, than her old truck, but it has almost everything and it runs like a freaking champ. Not only that, it's got the new 6 litre engine with more torque and horsepower than her old one. It's also pretty easy on the eyes. She treats it more like a BMW than a truck, though, and can't stand taking it into the dirt or the mud.
Um, I guess the horse is still alive.
The dogs are good... we had Moose (the hounddog/St. Bernard-mixed puppy) neutered recently. He took it like a man... right up until losing the nuts, then he took it like a eunuch. Either way, it was pretty unpleasant. Although, it was also kind of comical to watch him take two steps, stop and lick his sack, then take two more steps, stop and lick his sack, etc. He gave that poor thing a beating (notice how I didn't say a lickin' - yep, no low-hanging fruit here...)
The boys are doing well - we got a trampoline recently and Chris spends most of his spare time on it. Bouncing, or laying down, or rolling around, or just sitting. He, um, really likes the trampoline.
Work is going pretty well. Nothing much to report there.
The boys "accidentally" destroyed the PS2 last week. Somehow, even after the first one walked through the cables strewn across the basement, yanking the system onto the floor from a height of 3 feet, the second one did exactly the same thing. Then, for good measure, when the lid would no longer stay closed, Chase thought it would be a good idear to give it a couple of really good slams. Surprisingly, it didn't work any better after all that. In fact, it stopped working altogether.
Fortunately, their dad is a frickin' genius and was able to reassemble all the bits and breathe life back into the shattered remains. Not surprisingly, they're not allowed to play any video games until further notice.
Funny story: Suzanne was still able to bitch about the new truck... something about the gas tank not being as big and the fuel economy not being as good. Of course, the old truck got exactly the same mileage, it just didn't have a computerized instant mileage calculator in the dashboard.
Mind you, this is the best vehicle she's literally ever even been inside in her entire life. Thank goodness she was able to come up with something to complain about! I think we can all rest a little easier now.
I guess that about brings up to speed. Now quit bitching about me never updating this damn blog!
Love and kisses,
Your hero, Anthony.
So many things have been going on recently that they've obviously overwhelmed my ability to blog all about it. Even so, I'm going to soldier on and give it my best effort right now.
First, my oldest daughter was out recently. She actually made the trip to Sunny Sidney with her (possibly serial killer) boyfriend. They were plenty bored most of the time, but there were moments of entertainment. We played a little rock band and plenty of XBox (well, the SKBF and the boys did anyway). We also played a little racquetball - I say a "little" racquetball because the competition left a "little" to be desired. ;-)
Not long after they left, we went down to the Ford dealership, threw the old diesel up on the counter and said, "Gimme another one of them!" While we were at it, we also traded in the dodge 1500 for a, wait for it, Ford Focus. (The car is just a bit too large to fit into my wallet, unless I take out ALL the credit cards.)
Both vehicles are Ford Metallic Blue and they both have basically all the options you could cram in. For instance, they both have sirius satellite radio, they both have power sun roofs (rooves? roofes?), power windows, locks, trunk openers, etc. The diesel even has power mirrors that stretch out for pulling a trailer, and pull in for when you're driving into your garage or the car-wash.
We got a fantastic deal, but it's going to be a while before they're both fully paid off. The Focus pays for itself in gas, though, getting anywhere from 33 to 38 mpg on the highway (depending on the wind). Don't get too close to any trucks, though, as they'll nearly blow you off the road (but in a bad way).
Last week I was in Denver attending an IBM training course. It mainly focused on the Power 6 hardware and virtualization. It was a really good course and I was surprised to find that I really learned a lot.
As you probably know, I never did end up buying the motorcycle. :-( I think I mentioned in an earlier post that the guy somehow confused the year 2003 with 2006 when calculating the value of my trade in. Needless to say, I was not amused, and the deal fell through. I'll look again later in the season. Although, I did see a really nice Star motorcycle on the way home today... Kind of a black cherry color and a really great shape. I don't know much about Star motorcycles, but when I'm done with this post, I'm gonna check it out.
Suzanne loves her new diesel. It's a little bit narrower, and a little shorter, than her old truck, but it has almost everything and it runs like a freaking champ. Not only that, it's got the new 6 litre engine with more torque and horsepower than her old one. It's also pretty easy on the eyes. She treats it more like a BMW than a truck, though, and can't stand taking it into the dirt or the mud.
Um, I guess the horse is still alive.
The dogs are good... we had Moose (the hounddog/St. Bernard-mixed puppy) neutered recently. He took it like a man... right up until losing the nuts, then he took it like a eunuch. Either way, it was pretty unpleasant. Although, it was also kind of comical to watch him take two steps, stop and lick his sack, then take two more steps, stop and lick his sack, etc. He gave that poor thing a beating (notice how I didn't say a lickin' - yep, no low-hanging fruit here...)
The boys are doing well - we got a trampoline recently and Chris spends most of his spare time on it. Bouncing, or laying down, or rolling around, or just sitting. He, um, really likes the trampoline.
Work is going pretty well. Nothing much to report there.
The boys "accidentally" destroyed the PS2 last week. Somehow, even after the first one walked through the cables strewn across the basement, yanking the system onto the floor from a height of 3 feet, the second one did exactly the same thing. Then, for good measure, when the lid would no longer stay closed, Chase thought it would be a good idear to give it a couple of really good slams. Surprisingly, it didn't work any better after all that. In fact, it stopped working altogether.
Fortunately, their dad is a frickin' genius and was able to reassemble all the bits and breathe life back into the shattered remains. Not surprisingly, they're not allowed to play any video games until further notice.
Funny story: Suzanne was still able to bitch about the new truck... something about the gas tank not being as big and the fuel economy not being as good. Of course, the old truck got exactly the same mileage, it just didn't have a computerized instant mileage calculator in the dashboard.
Mind you, this is the best vehicle she's literally ever even been inside in her entire life. Thank goodness she was able to come up with something to complain about! I think we can all rest a little easier now.
I guess that about brings up to speed. Now quit bitching about me never updating this damn blog!
Love and kisses,
Your hero, Anthony.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Booo!
Frustrated in Sidney,
You probably remember my last post (look below if your memory is poor) where I said I was going to get a super-cool, sexy, lime-green VTX1300C. Sadly, they don't make that particular shade any longer, and almost all the ones they ever made have been sold already. They have one in California, but the emissions rules out there force the dealerships to basically neuter the bikes. Also, they have one in NY, but I'd have to pay up to $1,000 for shipping (fu'dat!).
So, I decided to try a different tack and go for something a little different... Voila!
She's a beaut! Not quite as cool and sporty as the key-lime cutie, but still a nice damn bike!
So, I told the guy to gimme one o' dem! and he's like, "Yes Sir!" But, then he called me back with the bad news. The main Honda factory was the only place that had these, so it could take up to two weeks to arrive. Bummed, but not completely despondent, I told him to go ahead and I'd suck it up.
But, while he was on the phone, I told him a couple of things I wanted added. Nothing fancy, just a windshield, handlebar risers (to move the handlebars closer a couple inches) and some footboards for the passenger (my cute little girlfriend... don't tell the wife... she doesn't read my blog!)
He assured me that everything was kosher and he'd get started asap.
30 seconds after hanging up with me, apparently, his manager called him into the office with the (even more) bad news. That style of bike had a safety recall and the dealerships were forbidden to sell, trade, transport, etc, any of these bikes until the problem was repaired.
No big deal, just a half hour job to jump in there and replace the pep cock valve under the gas tank. Easy, right? Well, if the bike was local, it would be no problem. But since the bike is at the dealership, they won't release it until it's been repaired whenever THEY decide to get around to it.
So, this means that the soonest I can expect to lay my hands on this baby is the middle of April. I am the bummed!
On the positive side, this new bike is quite a bit less expensive than the other bike for what is basically exactly the same bike. The reason that it's less is because the purple bike needs less modifications than the green bike. About $2k less as a matter of fact, which is good.
But, damn I loves me some sexy, lime-green bike! Even so, it's not worth an extra $3k for green vs. purple. I mean, cuz green is favorite, but purple is favorite too. You know, green is more favorite. I mean, Purple is favorite, but green is MORE favorite. But I like purple... I like purple. Purple's good.
More to come!
You probably remember my last post (look below if your memory is poor) where I said I was going to get a super-cool, sexy, lime-green VTX1300C. Sadly, they don't make that particular shade any longer, and almost all the ones they ever made have been sold already. They have one in California, but the emissions rules out there force the dealerships to basically neuter the bikes. Also, they have one in NY, but I'd have to pay up to $1,000 for shipping (fu'dat!).
So, I decided to try a different tack and go for something a little different... Voila!
She's a beaut! Not quite as cool and sporty as the key-lime cutie, but still a nice damn bike!
So, I told the guy to gimme one o' dem! and he's like, "Yes Sir!" But, then he called me back with the bad news. The main Honda factory was the only place that had these, so it could take up to two weeks to arrive. Bummed, but not completely despondent, I told him to go ahead and I'd suck it up.
But, while he was on the phone, I told him a couple of things I wanted added. Nothing fancy, just a windshield, handlebar risers (to move the handlebars closer a couple inches) and some footboards for the passenger (my cute little girlfriend... don't tell the wife... she doesn't read my blog!)
He assured me that everything was kosher and he'd get started asap.
30 seconds after hanging up with me, apparently, his manager called him into the office with the (even more) bad news. That style of bike had a safety recall and the dealerships were forbidden to sell, trade, transport, etc, any of these bikes until the problem was repaired.
No big deal, just a half hour job to jump in there and replace the pep cock valve under the gas tank. Easy, right? Well, if the bike was local, it would be no problem. But since the bike is at the dealership, they won't release it until it's been repaired whenever THEY decide to get around to it.
So, this means that the soonest I can expect to lay my hands on this baby is the middle of April. I am the bummed!
On the positive side, this new bike is quite a bit less expensive than the other bike for what is basically exactly the same bike. The reason that it's less is because the purple bike needs less modifications than the green bike. About $2k less as a matter of fact, which is good.
But, damn I loves me some sexy, lime-green bike! Even so, it's not worth an extra $3k for green vs. purple. I mean, cuz green is favorite, but purple is favorite too. You know, green is more favorite. I mean, Purple is favorite, but green is MORE favorite. But I like purple... I like purple. Purple's good.
More to come!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
The new bike
Breathing easy in Sidney.
Now that the bonuses have come through and we got a couple bucks in the old checking account, what better than to drive 100 miles to the nearest big town (yes 100 miles) and spend that money!
So, we hopped in the truck with the boys and drove out to Cheyenne, which is the nearest town that has a Circuit City. I was interested in projector TV's and the wife wanted to look at laminate flooring. She hates the house but thinks we might be able to spruce it up a bit if we could just get rid of the old crappy carpeting.
One other thing that Cheyenne has is a motorcycle dealership or two. Well, I would have kicked myself if I went all the way to the big city and not looked at bikes.
To make a long story short (hah!), here's what my next bike is going to look like:
It's a Honda 1300 VTX, and as you can see, it's lime green! Oh, it's beautiful all righty. I'm going to have to make a couple of modifications, like change the handle bars, the seat and add some floorboard pedals, a windshield and saddlebags, but you get the idear.
As a reminder, here's my current ride:
(Who IS that cool kid??)
Anyway, it will be a few weeks yet before I can actually get the bike as we have to agree on trade in amounts, and the cost of all the mods. In the meantime, I have my jpegs to keep my warm at night.
On a side note, we didn't get a HD projector or any laminate flooring, or even any new carpet. We DID eat some fantastic Mongolian Grill, and enjoyed a little Baskin Robbins.
Watch this space for news concerning the new bike!
Now that the bonuses have come through and we got a couple bucks in the old checking account, what better than to drive 100 miles to the nearest big town (yes 100 miles) and spend that money!
So, we hopped in the truck with the boys and drove out to Cheyenne, which is the nearest town that has a Circuit City. I was interested in projector TV's and the wife wanted to look at laminate flooring. She hates the house but thinks we might be able to spruce it up a bit if we could just get rid of the old crappy carpeting.
One other thing that Cheyenne has is a motorcycle dealership or two. Well, I would have kicked myself if I went all the way to the big city and not looked at bikes.
To make a long story short (hah!), here's what my next bike is going to look like:
It's a Honda 1300 VTX, and as you can see, it's lime green! Oh, it's beautiful all righty. I'm going to have to make a couple of modifications, like change the handle bars, the seat and add some floorboard pedals, a windshield and saddlebags, but you get the idear.
As a reminder, here's my current ride:
(Who IS that cool kid??)
Anyway, it will be a few weeks yet before I can actually get the bike as we have to agree on trade in amounts, and the cost of all the mods. In the meantime, I have my jpegs to keep my warm at night.
On a side note, we didn't get a HD projector or any laminate flooring, or even any new carpet. We DID eat some fantastic Mongolian Grill, and enjoyed a little Baskin Robbins.
Watch this space for news concerning the new bike!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
It's BONUS time!
That's right, after a year of waiting and trying NOT to get fired, it's finally all paid off! Tomorrow is Bonus day! That means thousand and thousand of dollars! Yep, $2,000! ;-)
After this crappy financial year that we've had, that money will sho come in handy! I was positive that I was going to get fired this week, just days before this little windfall.
However, somehow I made it! Somehow my mouth didn't get me fired after all!
So, now I'm in a pretty good mood.
Next week, my oldest kid will be here with her boyfriend. Fortunately, I'm rich enough to take them to McDonald's or some other nice place. Woo hoo.
After this crappy financial year that we've had, that money will sho come in handy! I was positive that I was going to get fired this week, just days before this little windfall.
However, somehow I made it! Somehow my mouth didn't get me fired after all!
So, now I'm in a pretty good mood.
Next week, my oldest kid will be here with her boyfriend. Fortunately, I'm rich enough to take them to McDonald's or some other nice place. Woo hoo.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Happy Birthday to my favorite Kid!!
I know you're not supposed to have favorites, but what can I say? The other 3... eh, not so much. I mean, they're ok and all, but in the end, I can take 'em or leave 'em.
Kayla, on the other hand, easily my favorite kid.
So I say Happy Birthday Kayla-Lee! (Thought I forgot, didn't you??)
Love Dad.
Kayla, on the other hand, easily my favorite kid.
So I say Happy Birthday Kayla-Lee! (Thought I forgot, didn't you??)
Love Dad.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
The TB ward
Gezundheit from Sidney,
I don't care if I spelled gezundheit incorrectly! That's right... I'm a rebel.
So, for the last week or so I've had to deal with a houseful of weak, sick, diseased people. Everybody in the family was sick, except for me. I was the one running to wal-mart at 2am to get another bottle of Children's Tylenol (the wife didn't mention that we were almost out earlier in the evening when I just happened to be at wal-mart).
First, Chris AKA the Iron Horse, got the flu (it's going around here in Sidney). It shocked us because this kid NEVER gets sick. Then, a couple days later, the other one got sick. This wasn't nearly as shocking because Chase ALWAYS gets sick, so we knew it was just a matter of time.
Next, the wife got sick... I would rather have 7 sick kids than 1 sick wife. You know how some people get sick and you have to hear about how miserable they feel literally 24x7? If not, allow me to introduce the wife. Even when she's perfectly happy, she still complains most of the time. When she's sick?? Oh lord, it's brutal.
If you were to talk with her when she's ill, you'd swear she wasn't going to make the winter. Also, she likes to announce how much she hates being sick... constantly... ad nauseum... until you just want to drop an anvil on her skull! Um, not that I wanted to drop an anvil on her skull, of course... that would be crazy! ;-)
So, you're probably wondering, when is it Anthony's turn? Well, shockingly, I've yet to really get sick. I've felt kind of off a couple of times, but it hasn't hit (yet). Whenever I've felt like I might start coming down with it, I guzzle half a bottle of vick's 44. So far, so good!
Turns out, being a germophobe clearly makes one medically superior to most normal people!
Oh, and during all this, chase had 4 or 5 stitches in his chest. He had a couple of moles that looked "iffy", and he was finally old enough to feel self-conscious about them, so he asked to have them removed.
About the procedure, he took it like a champ. Didn't even tear up. I was extremely proud! If anything, I was in worse shape than he was. It was pretty gross to watch the doctor work that scalpel. Bleah...
But, everybody seems to be doing better now... I can tell the wife feels 100% better because I don't hear her bitching right now. Also, the middle of the night coughing is almost non-existent. Since Chase was the last to get it, he's still fighting off the last of the effects, but I think he's mostly cured.
And, that's the story of the germ-ridden, bacteria-laden household that I'm currently running.
Go Patriots! Oh, wait... ;-)
I don't care if I spelled gezundheit incorrectly! That's right... I'm a rebel.
So, for the last week or so I've had to deal with a houseful of weak, sick, diseased people. Everybody in the family was sick, except for me. I was the one running to wal-mart at 2am to get another bottle of Children's Tylenol (the wife didn't mention that we were almost out earlier in the evening when I just happened to be at wal-mart).
First, Chris AKA the Iron Horse, got the flu (it's going around here in Sidney). It shocked us because this kid NEVER gets sick. Then, a couple days later, the other one got sick. This wasn't nearly as shocking because Chase ALWAYS gets sick, so we knew it was just a matter of time.
Next, the wife got sick... I would rather have 7 sick kids than 1 sick wife. You know how some people get sick and you have to hear about how miserable they feel literally 24x7? If not, allow me to introduce the wife. Even when she's perfectly happy, she still complains most of the time. When she's sick?? Oh lord, it's brutal.
If you were to talk with her when she's ill, you'd swear she wasn't going to make the winter. Also, she likes to announce how much she hates being sick... constantly... ad nauseum... until you just want to drop an anvil on her skull! Um, not that I wanted to drop an anvil on her skull, of course... that would be crazy! ;-)
So, you're probably wondering, when is it Anthony's turn? Well, shockingly, I've yet to really get sick. I've felt kind of off a couple of times, but it hasn't hit (yet). Whenever I've felt like I might start coming down with it, I guzzle half a bottle of vick's 44. So far, so good!
Turns out, being a germophobe clearly makes one medically superior to most normal people!
Oh, and during all this, chase had 4 or 5 stitches in his chest. He had a couple of moles that looked "iffy", and he was finally old enough to feel self-conscious about them, so he asked to have them removed.
About the procedure, he took it like a champ. Didn't even tear up. I was extremely proud! If anything, I was in worse shape than he was. It was pretty gross to watch the doctor work that scalpel. Bleah...
But, everybody seems to be doing better now... I can tell the wife feels 100% better because I don't hear her bitching right now. Also, the middle of the night coughing is almost non-existent. Since Chase was the last to get it, he's still fighting off the last of the effects, but I think he's mostly cured.
And, that's the story of the germ-ridden, bacteria-laden household that I'm currently running.
Go Patriots! Oh, wait... ;-)
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Turns out, I'm a dumbass after all...
A lesson in humility from Sidney...
So, we had to go in to the shop today to do some off-hours work. We needed to unplug half of our production environment and move the electrical cables around. We also needed to rerun the ethernet cables.
Sounds pretty easy, right? Well, we had to be extremely careful so as to not affect the rest of the environment. One wrong move and we could have blown the breakers and really screwed some stuff up.
So, everything went perfectly and I was just buttoning up the last of the ethernet interfaces when somebody from the help desk came bursting in. She got a message that all the servers had crashed. Needless to say, my stomach dropped to my feet, but I was positive that I hadn't done anything that could have possibly crashed any servers, much less ALL of them. None of MY servers were down...
After a couple of minutes they determined that the servers hadn't crashed, they were just offline... sounds like a network issue. Uh oh. Even though I was absolutely convinced that my network was completely isolated and impossible to impact the rest of the business, I went ahead and took a look at my configuration. Sure enough, two of the cables were in the wrong ports.
Ok, that's not good for me, but surely this couldn't have affected everybody else, right? Wrong! As it turns out, and unbeknownst to us, the main network somehow runs through our switches! I was shocked, stunned, and I felt pretty stupid - why didn't I take a second look at those numbers?? I NEVER make this kind of mistake.
At any rate, 2 minutes later all joy was restored and everything was working as expected again. The only real victim here is my pride. My buddy told me that this was a good lesson in humility and maybe I should try to learn something from it. I disagree! I'm sure this was simply some kind of cosmic, karmic interference.
However, I'm equally convinced that this karmic retribution was incorrectly assigned as I certainly haven't done anything to deserve it!
So, now I feel like an idiot. Please mark your calendars appropriately.
Oh, and don't bother buying my house. It's already in the hands of the "we buy your house people", so I don't care if it ever sells. How do you like them apples??
So, we had to go in to the shop today to do some off-hours work. We needed to unplug half of our production environment and move the electrical cables around. We also needed to rerun the ethernet cables.
Sounds pretty easy, right? Well, we had to be extremely careful so as to not affect the rest of the environment. One wrong move and we could have blown the breakers and really screwed some stuff up.
So, everything went perfectly and I was just buttoning up the last of the ethernet interfaces when somebody from the help desk came bursting in. She got a message that all the servers had crashed. Needless to say, my stomach dropped to my feet, but I was positive that I hadn't done anything that could have possibly crashed any servers, much less ALL of them. None of MY servers were down...
After a couple of minutes they determined that the servers hadn't crashed, they were just offline... sounds like a network issue. Uh oh. Even though I was absolutely convinced that my network was completely isolated and impossible to impact the rest of the business, I went ahead and took a look at my configuration. Sure enough, two of the cables were in the wrong ports.
Ok, that's not good for me, but surely this couldn't have affected everybody else, right? Wrong! As it turns out, and unbeknownst to us, the main network somehow runs through our switches! I was shocked, stunned, and I felt pretty stupid - why didn't I take a second look at those numbers?? I NEVER make this kind of mistake.
At any rate, 2 minutes later all joy was restored and everything was working as expected again. The only real victim here is my pride. My buddy told me that this was a good lesson in humility and maybe I should try to learn something from it. I disagree! I'm sure this was simply some kind of cosmic, karmic interference.
However, I'm equally convinced that this karmic retribution was incorrectly assigned as I certainly haven't done anything to deserve it!
So, now I feel like an idiot. Please mark your calendars appropriately.
Oh, and don't bother buying my house. It's already in the hands of the "we buy your house people", so I don't care if it ever sells. How do you like them apples??
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas, sex ed, and all that jazz...
Happy Chanukah from Sidney,
First of all, how can Hanukkah and Chanukah be the same thing?! Is it like Autumn and Fall, or is it more insidious??? Who knows?
Anyway, Happy Christmas to everybody out there good enough to read this silliness.
The other day I decided to see if the boys were interested in learning about human reproduction. I'm not a fan of speaking euphemistically, and I'm not afraid of speaking frankly with my kids, so I don't really have any problem breaking down the birds and the bees. I even asked Suzanne if she wanted to be involved, but she felt a little uncomfortable so I left her out of it.
If you've ever been my child, you'll already know that my teaching method is pretty technical. I don't make up names for things and I don't shy away from anything, I lay it all out there for the world to see. I also like to use a lot of illustrations. However, ever since the advent of the interweb, I don't really need to rely on my sketchy artistic ability. Sketchy... get it?
So, wielding pencil and paper, I launched into my spiel. I broke down the mechanics in excruciatingly technical detail, and used my little pictionary doodles to help me get some of the more abstract concepts across.
I have to remind myself to refrain from going into too much detail as I understand I often lose my audience in the minutiae - especially a 9 year old audience.
However, the boys were both quick to catch on and even asked some really good questions. For instance, when I was talking about the differences between fraternal and identical twins, Chase suggested that, since there were different sperm and eggs involved, the twins could be male-female. I think the only concept that they had difficulty with at all was cell division (mitosis vs meiosis). Granted, there are probably even some adults who would have difficulty contrasting the difference.
By the end of the afternoon, I was satisfied that they were both comfortably knowledgeable on the topic. Since then, they've asked me a couple of questions for clarification, but otherwise almost nothing.
I like to demystify stuff like this. As I told them, if it weren't for sex, nobody would be alive on the planet. It shouldn't be something to feel embarrassed about.
Now, obviously I didn't go into great detail about the lovemaking process. I didn't show them any naked pictures of women and/or men, either engaged or otherwise. I explained that it was something that people enjoyed doing and it was only seldom used for procreation. When they're a little older, we can talk about that, but for now it's enough to know how it works, if not the factors behind its motivation.
Anyway, enough of that.
We close on the house on Wednesday. You might remember from an earlier post that I finally gave up and basically just dumped the house. On paper, we're supposed to make $5k, but I think we'll probably just about break even after closing costs, etc. I'm really disappointed that it had to come to this, but with the market being what it is, this is probably for the best.
My advice to anyone relocating and considering two mortgages - don't. Just dump the sucker and move on. Even if you lose a few grand, it's better than the roller coaster of emotions you'll endure. I say, dump it and forget it!
I guess that's about it. Now I gotta go downstairs and start assembling crap. Thank allah for family and friends - the boys are going to make out pretty well despite our current financial unhappiness. In fact, one of Suzanne's best friends sent a really nice activity table (ping pong, bumper pool, foosball, etc.) - that's what I'm going down to assemble now. It looks like it will be a lot of fun - heck, I might even let the boys play with it!
If you got a girlfriend, kiss her for me... Use tongue, that's what I would do. If you're married - well, you have my sympathies. ;-)
Shalom. Oh, and thanks a lot for not buying my house. I'll remember this if you ever sell your house! Cheers.
First of all, how can Hanukkah and Chanukah be the same thing?! Is it like Autumn and Fall, or is it more insidious??? Who knows?
Anyway, Happy Christmas to everybody out there good enough to read this silliness.
The other day I decided to see if the boys were interested in learning about human reproduction. I'm not a fan of speaking euphemistically, and I'm not afraid of speaking frankly with my kids, so I don't really have any problem breaking down the birds and the bees. I even asked Suzanne if she wanted to be involved, but she felt a little uncomfortable so I left her out of it.
If you've ever been my child, you'll already know that my teaching method is pretty technical. I don't make up names for things and I don't shy away from anything, I lay it all out there for the world to see. I also like to use a lot of illustrations. However, ever since the advent of the interweb, I don't really need to rely on my sketchy artistic ability. Sketchy... get it?
So, wielding pencil and paper, I launched into my spiel. I broke down the mechanics in excruciatingly technical detail, and used my little pictionary doodles to help me get some of the more abstract concepts across.
I have to remind myself to refrain from going into too much detail as I understand I often lose my audience in the minutiae - especially a 9 year old audience.
However, the boys were both quick to catch on and even asked some really good questions. For instance, when I was talking about the differences between fraternal and identical twins, Chase suggested that, since there were different sperm and eggs involved, the twins could be male-female. I think the only concept that they had difficulty with at all was cell division (mitosis vs meiosis). Granted, there are probably even some adults who would have difficulty contrasting the difference.
By the end of the afternoon, I was satisfied that they were both comfortably knowledgeable on the topic. Since then, they've asked me a couple of questions for clarification, but otherwise almost nothing.
I like to demystify stuff like this. As I told them, if it weren't for sex, nobody would be alive on the planet. It shouldn't be something to feel embarrassed about.
Now, obviously I didn't go into great detail about the lovemaking process. I didn't show them any naked pictures of women and/or men, either engaged or otherwise. I explained that it was something that people enjoyed doing and it was only seldom used for procreation. When they're a little older, we can talk about that, but for now it's enough to know how it works, if not the factors behind its motivation.
Anyway, enough of that.
We close on the house on Wednesday. You might remember from an earlier post that I finally gave up and basically just dumped the house. On paper, we're supposed to make $5k, but I think we'll probably just about break even after closing costs, etc. I'm really disappointed that it had to come to this, but with the market being what it is, this is probably for the best.
My advice to anyone relocating and considering two mortgages - don't. Just dump the sucker and move on. Even if you lose a few grand, it's better than the roller coaster of emotions you'll endure. I say, dump it and forget it!
I guess that's about it. Now I gotta go downstairs and start assembling crap. Thank allah for family and friends - the boys are going to make out pretty well despite our current financial unhappiness. In fact, one of Suzanne's best friends sent a really nice activity table (ping pong, bumper pool, foosball, etc.) - that's what I'm going down to assemble now. It looks like it will be a lot of fun - heck, I might even let the boys play with it!
If you got a girlfriend, kiss her for me... Use tongue, that's what I would do. If you're married - well, you have my sympathies. ;-)
Shalom. Oh, and thanks a lot for not buying my house. I'll remember this if you ever sell your house! Cheers.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Happy Birthday!
Holy Hangover, Batman.
Today is my rotten kid's 21st birthday! Unfortunately, being poor, I'm unable to get her something really nice for this most auspicious occasion. Therefore, I thought I'd make it up to her by featuring her in this most auspicious posting.
Actually, I've told everybody for whom I normally buy gifts that this year's Christmas is going to begin in March (bonus time!). I hate the thought of coming up with something cheap and crappy just to meet an artificial deadline. Deadlines are for bedwetting momma's boys, not for superstars like myself.
So, let me just say Happy Birthday, Steph! I love you and I hope you have a great birthday despite the fact that your hero lives 2,000 miles away... ;-)
Love,
DaD
P.S. Today is also Bart Simpson's birthday!! What a crazy coinky-dink!
Today is my rotten kid's 21st birthday! Unfortunately, being poor, I'm unable to get her something really nice for this most auspicious occasion. Therefore, I thought I'd make it up to her by featuring her in this most auspicious posting.
Actually, I've told everybody for whom I normally buy gifts that this year's Christmas is going to begin in March (bonus time!). I hate the thought of coming up with something cheap and crappy just to meet an artificial deadline. Deadlines are for bedwetting momma's boys, not for superstars like myself.
So, let me just say Happy Birthday, Steph! I love you and I hope you have a great birthday despite the fact that your hero lives 2,000 miles away... ;-)
Love,
DaD
P.S. Today is also Bart Simpson's birthday!! What a crazy coinky-dink!
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Politics aside...
Disappointment from Sidney,
Well, it was a glorious run, but it looks like I'm finally going to have to give up after all. Yes, I'm talking about the house. For nearly a year, I've begged, pleaded, demanded and cajoled you people to buy my house, but did you?? No. Am I disappointed? You betcha. Do I sometimes ask questions just to answer them myself? Guilty!
I hate giving up on that house, but what with Winter coming, and the crops still needing to be harvested, and with the situation in Iraq, I felt it was time to do my part for America.
After doing the final tally, it looks like we'll end up having lost $10k when all is said and done. Am I happy with losing $10k? No. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to start that crap again.
I guess, at the end of the day, $10k isn't all that bad. What kills me is that, had I simply made the call when we first moved out, I would have been up $5k instead. So, really I feel like I've lost $15k. Not to mention the huge amount of stress and worry that Suzanne and I had to deal with.
Why didn't I make that call last January? Simple answer: Greed. We were convinced that we were going to make $30k on the house (go back to my earliest blogs to witness my foolish optimism). All we needed, literally, was just an offer on the house and the relocation people would have cut us a check. Alas, it wasn't meant to be.
So, at the end of the day, I only have to make December and January's mortgage payments and I will be done with the house. I have NO DOUBT that the sucker will sell three days later. Mark my prophetic words here, kind reader.
Oh, and Chase's birthday was the other day. The wife rented the local indoor pool ($50) and we had about a dozen 9 year old boys going crazy for two hours. He had a lot of fun and made out pretty well as far as presents, so it was pretty cool.
Chris is still crazy, Suzanne is still chubby, and I'm still just as fantastic as ever. I guess that's it for now.
Oh, and, uh, thanks for nothing for NOT buying my house!!
Well, it was a glorious run, but it looks like I'm finally going to have to give up after all. Yes, I'm talking about the house. For nearly a year, I've begged, pleaded, demanded and cajoled you people to buy my house, but did you?? No. Am I disappointed? You betcha. Do I sometimes ask questions just to answer them myself? Guilty!
I hate giving up on that house, but what with Winter coming, and the crops still needing to be harvested, and with the situation in Iraq, I felt it was time to do my part for America.
After doing the final tally, it looks like we'll end up having lost $10k when all is said and done. Am I happy with losing $10k? No. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to start that crap again.
I guess, at the end of the day, $10k isn't all that bad. What kills me is that, had I simply made the call when we first moved out, I would have been up $5k instead. So, really I feel like I've lost $15k. Not to mention the huge amount of stress and worry that Suzanne and I had to deal with.
Why didn't I make that call last January? Simple answer: Greed. We were convinced that we were going to make $30k on the house (go back to my earliest blogs to witness my foolish optimism). All we needed, literally, was just an offer on the house and the relocation people would have cut us a check. Alas, it wasn't meant to be.
So, at the end of the day, I only have to make December and January's mortgage payments and I will be done with the house. I have NO DOUBT that the sucker will sell three days later. Mark my prophetic words here, kind reader.
Oh, and Chase's birthday was the other day. The wife rented the local indoor pool ($50) and we had about a dozen 9 year old boys going crazy for two hours. He had a lot of fun and made out pretty well as far as presents, so it was pretty cool.
Chris is still crazy, Suzanne is still chubby, and I'm still just as fantastic as ever. I guess that's it for now.
Oh, and, uh, thanks for nothing for NOT buying my house!!
Monday, November 12, 2007
And now for something completely different... Politics!
(Before I get too far afield, here's a humorous religious link to enjoy: http://www.jameshartforcongress.com/prometheus/socvsjes.htm ...)
Happy Election Day from Sidney!
One of my rotten kids suggested I try something new, so here's a somewhat less controversial topic of conversation: Politics!
Note: I'm neither a republic nor a democrat. I like to consider myself a man of independent thought, not easily swayed by the media or the vast political machine. I wish I could say the same for the vast number of sheeple out there who will vote for the first guy who lies well enough to come off as "sincere". Or, worse yet, vote AGAINST somebody because of some underhanded efforts of the "other" side.
I was reminded of that today when I saw a negative ad e-mail concerning Barak Obama. It showed several people on a podium, all of whom had their hands over their hearts presumably reciting the pledge of allegiance. Barak, however, is shown with his hands down by his waist and apparently silent.
The conservative right ended the e-mail with something like, "Would you vote for this man who so clearly hates his country... yada yada yada."
Not surprisingly, the whole business was completely contrived, and certainly NOT sanctioned by the right wing (conspiracy). However, the damage may already be done as this will probably be all it takes to bring him down. Never mind that few if any of these sheep will bother to take the time to determine what his actual platform is. It's enough to know this unamerican bastard dared to exercise his 1st amendment right
to freedom of speech - I sure wouldn't vote for his ass.
A couple of weeks ago, I was sent a many-times forwarded e-mail which was originally generated by some right-wing whack-job - the gist of which was that, due to some recent legislation, the terms "mommy" and "daddy" were to be removed from textbooks in California.
I wasn't so much disturbed by the stupidity that was evidenced by the comments of the people forwarding the e-mail (ad nauseam) - I expect exactly that much from sheep. What bothered me most was the fact that the person who forwarded it to me should have taken the time to look into it a little bit before swallowing it hook, line and sinker.
Although, to be honest, the comments in the forwards were even more frightening than the original message. Frightening and sadly humorous. One person remarked that "Arnold Swarzenneger and the rest of them Democrats is trying to destroy the sanctimoniousness of the American family..."
That's right, Arnold the Democrat... Take a minute and think about it...
I took the time to read the actual legislation. Boring stuff, to be sure, but NOWHERE in the entire draft was there the first mention of the words "mom" or "dad". The entire message was about NOT discriminating against people who live in "alternative" homes (gay parents, for example).
In my opinion, the American people deserve exactly what they've gotten - a political body made up of the biggest crooks and snake oil salesmen the world has ever seen. Just remember - These bastards weren't foisted upon an unsuspecting populace... we actively sought them out and elected them over better qualified individuals, MOSTLY due to their height, coiffure, and marketability.
This is why the West Wing was so wildly successful. It was a fantasy land where government officials put in a full day's work and gave a hearty shit about the welfare of their constituents. The president was a genius and his staff bright, caring and able. What were those writers smoking???
I read this thing the other day that was pretty telling. It asked you to determine if it was the NFL or NBA who were guilty of this long list of crimes and misdemeanors. At the very end, it says, "Neither. It was congress." The list included numbers of DUI's, spousal abuse, poor credit, etc. It was funny and ironical, yet left me feeling disheartened.
I was talking with a woman at work the other day about health care. I brought up Hillary's Universal Health Care plan. She thought it was a terrible idea and said that "those people should just get some insurance... why should she have to pay for them? Most of them are illegal anyway."
I just looked at her and felt sad for a minute. This poor deluded woman has never had an original thought in all her 40 years. She didn't have the first idear about Universal Health Care - all she knew is what she heard on the radio or from her other right wing friends at work (Rhodes Scholars, all).
I asked her if any of her children had ever been sick enough to have to go to the doctor. Naturally, she said yes, so I asked her how she would have felt if her children were suffering but she couldn't afford to seek medical help - if she had to hold her babies while they cried against her shoulder because it was either food, rent, or medicine, but not all three.
She had no answer because she couldn't feel any empathy for poor people because, in her mind, they deserve to be poor. It's really their own fault.
(By the way, this is my "christian" co-worker - you know, the people who are supposed to care about other human beings. Other white, middle-class human beings I mean. OK, you knew I'd throw some religion in here somewhere...)
So, basically, I've given up on the whole political process. I'd like to think that, eventually, we will collectively pull our heads out of our asses. However, the more I talk to people, the less optimistic I become. In the end, we really have no one to blame but ourselves.
Now, I vote you get up off your apathetic, uninformed asses and go buy my house, godammit!!
Happy Election Day from Sidney!
One of my rotten kids suggested I try something new, so here's a somewhat less controversial topic of conversation: Politics!
Note: I'm neither a republic nor a democrat. I like to consider myself a man of independent thought, not easily swayed by the media or the vast political machine. I wish I could say the same for the vast number of sheeple out there who will vote for the first guy who lies well enough to come off as "sincere". Or, worse yet, vote AGAINST somebody because of some underhanded efforts of the "other" side.
I was reminded of that today when I saw a negative ad e-mail concerning Barak Obama. It showed several people on a podium, all of whom had their hands over their hearts presumably reciting the pledge of allegiance. Barak, however, is shown with his hands down by his waist and apparently silent.
The conservative right ended the e-mail with something like, "Would you vote for this man who so clearly hates his country... yada yada yada."
Not surprisingly, the whole business was completely contrived, and certainly NOT sanctioned by the right wing (conspiracy). However, the damage may already be done as this will probably be all it takes to bring him down. Never mind that few if any of these sheep will bother to take the time to determine what his actual platform is. It's enough to know this unamerican bastard dared to exercise his 1st amendment right
to freedom of speech - I sure wouldn't vote for his ass.
A couple of weeks ago, I was sent a many-times forwarded e-mail which was originally generated by some right-wing whack-job - the gist of which was that, due to some recent legislation, the terms "mommy" and "daddy" were to be removed from textbooks in California.
I wasn't so much disturbed by the stupidity that was evidenced by the comments of the people forwarding the e-mail (ad nauseam) - I expect exactly that much from sheep. What bothered me most was the fact that the person who forwarded it to me should have taken the time to look into it a little bit before swallowing it hook, line and sinker.
Although, to be honest, the comments in the forwards were even more frightening than the original message. Frightening and sadly humorous. One person remarked that "Arnold Swarzenneger and the rest of them Democrats is trying to destroy the sanctimoniousness of the American family..."
That's right, Arnold the Democrat... Take a minute and think about it...
I took the time to read the actual legislation. Boring stuff, to be sure, but NOWHERE in the entire draft was there the first mention of the words "mom" or "dad". The entire message was about NOT discriminating against people who live in "alternative" homes (gay parents, for example).
In my opinion, the American people deserve exactly what they've gotten - a political body made up of the biggest crooks and snake oil salesmen the world has ever seen. Just remember - These bastards weren't foisted upon an unsuspecting populace... we actively sought them out and elected them over better qualified individuals, MOSTLY due to their height, coiffure, and marketability.
This is why the West Wing was so wildly successful. It was a fantasy land where government officials put in a full day's work and gave a hearty shit about the welfare of their constituents. The president was a genius and his staff bright, caring and able. What were those writers smoking???
I read this thing the other day that was pretty telling. It asked you to determine if it was the NFL or NBA who were guilty of this long list of crimes and misdemeanors. At the very end, it says, "Neither. It was congress." The list included numbers of DUI's, spousal abuse, poor credit, etc. It was funny and ironical, yet left me feeling disheartened.
I was talking with a woman at work the other day about health care. I brought up Hillary's Universal Health Care plan. She thought it was a terrible idea and said that "those people should just get some insurance... why should she have to pay for them? Most of them are illegal anyway."
I just looked at her and felt sad for a minute. This poor deluded woman has never had an original thought in all her 40 years. She didn't have the first idear about Universal Health Care - all she knew is what she heard on the radio or from her other right wing friends at work (Rhodes Scholars, all).
I asked her if any of her children had ever been sick enough to have to go to the doctor. Naturally, she said yes, so I asked her how she would have felt if her children were suffering but she couldn't afford to seek medical help - if she had to hold her babies while they cried against her shoulder because it was either food, rent, or medicine, but not all three.
She had no answer because she couldn't feel any empathy for poor people because, in her mind, they deserve to be poor. It's really their own fault.
(By the way, this is my "christian" co-worker - you know, the people who are supposed to care about other human beings. Other white, middle-class human beings I mean. OK, you knew I'd throw some religion in here somewhere...)
So, basically, I've given up on the whole political process. I'd like to think that, eventually, we will collectively pull our heads out of our asses. However, the more I talk to people, the less optimistic I become. In the end, we really have no one to blame but ourselves.
Now, I vote you get up off your apathetic, uninformed asses and go buy my house, godammit!!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
The Power of Prayer
Just a quickie:
I just wanted to talk about the power of prayer. I was reminded of this the other day when a co-worker said she'd pray for me. I don't even remember what it was that she wanted to pray for me about, but I remember feeling ambivalent.
On the one hand, I understand that she thought she was being nice by telling me that she was concerned about me enough to ask for divine intervention. But, on the other hand, I was annoyed that she would try to foist her christian mythology on me knowing that it's not really my bag, baby.
This is aside from the fact that I question everyone's motives. I don't believe in the concept of a good deed. I think that everything we do is based on desire. For instance, let's say I love my kids so I want to do something nice for them. Really, at the end of the day, I'm really doing something nice for me. If it cost me more than the joy I would get from performing the deed, I wouldn't do it.
But, that's beside the point. The point is, what did she expect was going to happen? Did she honestly think that she could convince her god to do something different to/for me than he had been planning to do? For instance, let's say that god was going to kill me in a car accident. He was all geared up and had everything ready. Then, just as I was driving down the road to my doom, this gal phones in a quick prayer. Does god say to himself, "Shit - I had this punk in my sites!"
I guess my question is, can you change god's mind? Isn't that the point of prayer? Aren't you really asking god to NOT do what he had been planning to do and instead do what you want him to do?
This reminds me of football. Both teams usually have a little prayer session before the game begging god to let them win. Does god decide for one team over the other based on who prayed harder? Or, is there such a thing as free will and god stays out of it? If that was the case, then it's gotta be annoying for god to listen to all this begging constantly knowing he won't do anything about it.
I think the best explanation I ever heard for prayer was to use the analogy that it was like a child saying "please". But, whenever I hear somebody pray, it sounds a lot more like begging.
BTW, my favorite prayer is the food prayer. It goes something like this: "Dear lord, thanks for the food, blah blah blah... Please allow this food to nourish our bodies." Well, what happens if you DON'T mention that in your prayer? Do you eat a ton of food and nothing happens? "Damn, I didn't get any nourishment out of that steak whatsoever! I probably didn't pray right."
It just seems silly to me, especially when you consider what most people pray for - which is usually more material stuff.
Not to belabour the point, but I'm reminded of a christian "rock" song I heard back in the 80's. It was called something like "The never ending shopping list." They make fun of people who do exactly what I was talking about earlier, which is to use prayer as some kind of christmas list to santa.
I'd love to hear a well thought out rebuttal to my take on prayer, from either christian or philistine.
Now, excuse me while I pray for somebody to buy my house.
I just wanted to talk about the power of prayer. I was reminded of this the other day when a co-worker said she'd pray for me. I don't even remember what it was that she wanted to pray for me about, but I remember feeling ambivalent.
On the one hand, I understand that she thought she was being nice by telling me that she was concerned about me enough to ask for divine intervention. But, on the other hand, I was annoyed that she would try to foist her christian mythology on me knowing that it's not really my bag, baby.
This is aside from the fact that I question everyone's motives. I don't believe in the concept of a good deed. I think that everything we do is based on desire. For instance, let's say I love my kids so I want to do something nice for them. Really, at the end of the day, I'm really doing something nice for me. If it cost me more than the joy I would get from performing the deed, I wouldn't do it.
But, that's beside the point. The point is, what did she expect was going to happen? Did she honestly think that she could convince her god to do something different to/for me than he had been planning to do? For instance, let's say that god was going to kill me in a car accident. He was all geared up and had everything ready. Then, just as I was driving down the road to my doom, this gal phones in a quick prayer. Does god say to himself, "Shit - I had this punk in my sites!"
I guess my question is, can you change god's mind? Isn't that the point of prayer? Aren't you really asking god to NOT do what he had been planning to do and instead do what you want him to do?
This reminds me of football. Both teams usually have a little prayer session before the game begging god to let them win. Does god decide for one team over the other based on who prayed harder? Or, is there such a thing as free will and god stays out of it? If that was the case, then it's gotta be annoying for god to listen to all this begging constantly knowing he won't do anything about it.
I think the best explanation I ever heard for prayer was to use the analogy that it was like a child saying "please". But, whenever I hear somebody pray, it sounds a lot more like begging.
BTW, my favorite prayer is the food prayer. It goes something like this: "Dear lord, thanks for the food, blah blah blah... Please allow this food to nourish our bodies." Well, what happens if you DON'T mention that in your prayer? Do you eat a ton of food and nothing happens? "Damn, I didn't get any nourishment out of that steak whatsoever! I probably didn't pray right."
It just seems silly to me, especially when you consider what most people pray for - which is usually more material stuff.
Not to belabour the point, but I'm reminded of a christian "rock" song I heard back in the 80's. It was called something like "The never ending shopping list." They make fun of people who do exactly what I was talking about earlier, which is to use prayer as some kind of christmas list to santa.
I'd love to hear a well thought out rebuttal to my take on prayer, from either christian or philistine.
Now, excuse me while I pray for somebody to buy my house.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
No hell below us - above us, only sky...
Heaven's blessings from Sidney!
Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It's been 10 days since my last post..
I just found out one of my best friends at work is a Catholic. You'd never know it to talk to her, or hang out with her, or know her in any way, shape or form. I like to call those people "hypocrites". Basically, they're saying, "Yeah, I believe in God and the bible and all that, but I'm just gonna do whatever I want. If there's really a heaven, and assuming I get the chance, I'll throw myself on the mercy of the court."
If I truly believed that the bible was the word of god, and I thought I would honestly spend eternity in Hell, I'd follow that sucker like a fat man following an ice cream truck - an ice cream truck covered in gravy!
I accidentally got tangled up in a religious discussion at the bar last week. Some guy (again, who CLAIMS to be a christian) got bent out of shape when I mocked religion and religious people. Of course, good christian that he was, he was on his second or third beer at the time, so that might have made him a little less open-minded than he might have been otherwise.
At any rate, I asked him the same question I always ask people when they tell me that they're christians: "How do you know that the bible is the word of god?" I actually know the answer to this question, but I like to watch them stumble about for a bit.
The answer, of course, is that the bible tells you it's the word of god, right in the first couple of pages. How can you argue with that? (Well, you can, if you understand the concept of circular reasoning, but I digress.) It further states that god wrote the bible and that god is infallible, therefore the bible is true (because god is infallible, etc).
Most people will argue that they know that the bible is true "in their heart". I use my prefrontal cortex, but if you can think with various body parts, I say go with it. Now that I think about it, I often do think with my penis, so it's probably along the same lines... anyway, where was I?
I imagine the following scenario: some guy walking down the street, stops and has an epiphany, "Hey, you know what? I think that the bible is the word of god! Holy crap, that just occured to me... I should go to church or something." Or, is it more likely that somebody told you about the bible. Then, you went to church, had a little emotional moment, and now you're convinced you are one with the universe.
Imagine what would have happened if you grew up in Saudi Arabia or Iraq. Do you honestly think there are millions of christians running around Baghdad asking, "Where can I get me one of them holy bibles! I know in my heart that it's the word of god!!"
But, I'm getting off the point. I'm not here to tell you why the bible isn't the word of god, I'm here to talk about the soul.
The soul is a tricky concept. As I understand it, the part of you that is "you" is your soul. It's the part that has to fight all the temptations of the flesh and whatnot. It's also some kind of conduit to god, right? Apparently, the soul is aware of the supernatural, but you aren't... Yet, "you" are your soul.
Ok, if "you" are your soul, and your soul is a spirit (for lack of a better word), how is that when you drink enough alcohol, your soul turns into kind of an asshole?
Also, clearly, not all souls are holy. For instance, Chuck Manson has an "evil" soul, whereas you obvious have a "good" soul. But, according to John 3:16, Chuck could find his way to heaven if he were to accept jesus and all that. Even with an evil soul! I guess your soul can be either good or evil, it all depends on your free will to accept christ. But, if I have an evil soul, why would I accept christ??? Man, this is confusing!
Some people believe that your conscience is your soul. That's why you can get drunk and act differently. Your soul is the "good" part of you that cries with baby jesus over all the shitty things you do every day. So, my question is this: which of you gets to go to heaven? The awareness part of you (the mind), or the holy part of you (the soul). Or, does your awareness get sucked into your soul for the trip to heaven? If that's the case, what happens to the guy who used to be your soul before "you" got sucked in???
Holy hell - my head is spinning. Or, maybe it's my SOUL that's spinning... ;-)
It's funny that whenever I debate religion with a christian, the person that I'm debating with will argue my logic. They'll use their mythology to dispute my arguments. In fact, the bar conversation that I mentioned earlier ended something like this:
me: "Ok, so how do you know that the bible is the word of god?"
genius: "Well, let me ask you this, how do you know that Homer wrote the Odyssey?"
me: *shaking head in confusion* "Um, what does that have to do with the bible?"
genius: "Well, how do you know that the Oddyssey was written by Homer?"
me: "I don't. In fact, for centuries, scholars have debated whether an individual named "Homer" ever actually existed."
genius: "Oh my god, you're so stupid. Your logic is so completely flawed, I can't even answer your question."
me: "Um, well, here's a link to a wikipedia article that might help:" http://nostalgia.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homer
genius: "Wow, you're dumb. Only an idiot would fail to realize that god is everything and everywhere."
me: "Boy, do I feel dumb."
I understand why this guy lashed out like that, however. Religious people can't debate religion because, to them, it's not an academic pursuit. It's a belief system. It would be like trying to debate pedophilia with a pedophile, or conservatism with a republican, or nascar with a redneck. These are deeply held beliefs and anyone who would challenge that, even for the sake of debate, is personally attacking them. Not to mention, it's damn difficult to defend religion from someone who considers magical, invisible people to be preposterous (at best) or laughable (at worst).
But, back to the soul. If the soul is a magical, invisible presence that controls your body, then how is it you have free will? Do "you" control you, or does your soul control you. Is it a constant struggle? Does your soul have will-power, and, if so, does it therefore give in to temptation?? Maybe you're a good person, but your soul is a week-willed bastard dragging you down to hell in the same way that one half of the titanic sucked the other half down to the bottom of the Atlantic.
I imagine the soul as a little cartoon person being carried around in a papoose, being strapped to someone and being forced to watch and hear horrible crimes being committed on a regular basis. Poor little soul.
Well, if that hasn't convinced your soul to drive your body over and buy my house, nothing will!
(I'm looking forward to some fantastic comments! But please try to address at least some of my points.)
Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned. It's been 10 days since my last post..
I just found out one of my best friends at work is a Catholic. You'd never know it to talk to her, or hang out with her, or know her in any way, shape or form. I like to call those people "hypocrites". Basically, they're saying, "Yeah, I believe in God and the bible and all that, but I'm just gonna do whatever I want. If there's really a heaven, and assuming I get the chance, I'll throw myself on the mercy of the court."
If I truly believed that the bible was the word of god, and I thought I would honestly spend eternity in Hell, I'd follow that sucker like a fat man following an ice cream truck - an ice cream truck covered in gravy!
I accidentally got tangled up in a religious discussion at the bar last week. Some guy (again, who CLAIMS to be a christian) got bent out of shape when I mocked religion and religious people. Of course, good christian that he was, he was on his second or third beer at the time, so that might have made him a little less open-minded than he might have been otherwise.
At any rate, I asked him the same question I always ask people when they tell me that they're christians: "How do you know that the bible is the word of god?" I actually know the answer to this question, but I like to watch them stumble about for a bit.
The answer, of course, is that the bible tells you it's the word of god, right in the first couple of pages. How can you argue with that? (Well, you can, if you understand the concept of circular reasoning, but I digress.) It further states that god wrote the bible and that god is infallible, therefore the bible is true (because god is infallible, etc).
Most people will argue that they know that the bible is true "in their heart". I use my prefrontal cortex, but if you can think with various body parts, I say go with it. Now that I think about it, I often do think with my penis, so it's probably along the same lines... anyway, where was I?
I imagine the following scenario: some guy walking down the street, stops and has an epiphany, "Hey, you know what? I think that the bible is the word of god! Holy crap, that just occured to me... I should go to church or something." Or, is it more likely that somebody told you about the bible. Then, you went to church, had a little emotional moment, and now you're convinced you are one with the universe.
Imagine what would have happened if you grew up in Saudi Arabia or Iraq. Do you honestly think there are millions of christians running around Baghdad asking, "Where can I get me one of them holy bibles! I know in my heart that it's the word of god!!"
But, I'm getting off the point. I'm not here to tell you why the bible isn't the word of god, I'm here to talk about the soul.
The soul is a tricky concept. As I understand it, the part of you that is "you" is your soul. It's the part that has to fight all the temptations of the flesh and whatnot. It's also some kind of conduit to god, right? Apparently, the soul is aware of the supernatural, but you aren't... Yet, "you" are your soul.
Ok, if "you" are your soul, and your soul is a spirit (for lack of a better word), how is that when you drink enough alcohol, your soul turns into kind of an asshole?
Also, clearly, not all souls are holy. For instance, Chuck Manson has an "evil" soul, whereas you obvious have a "good" soul. But, according to John 3:16, Chuck could find his way to heaven if he were to accept jesus and all that. Even with an evil soul! I guess your soul can be either good or evil, it all depends on your free will to accept christ. But, if I have an evil soul, why would I accept christ??? Man, this is confusing!
Some people believe that your conscience is your soul. That's why you can get drunk and act differently. Your soul is the "good" part of you that cries with baby jesus over all the shitty things you do every day. So, my question is this: which of you gets to go to heaven? The awareness part of you (the mind), or the holy part of you (the soul). Or, does your awareness get sucked into your soul for the trip to heaven? If that's the case, what happens to the guy who used to be your soul before "you" got sucked in???
Holy hell - my head is spinning. Or, maybe it's my SOUL that's spinning... ;-)
It's funny that whenever I debate religion with a christian, the person that I'm debating with will argue my logic. They'll use their mythology to dispute my arguments. In fact, the bar conversation that I mentioned earlier ended something like this:
me: "Ok, so how do you know that the bible is the word of god?"
genius: "Well, let me ask you this, how do you know that Homer wrote the Odyssey?"
me: *shaking head in confusion* "Um, what does that have to do with the bible?"
genius: "Well, how do you know that the Oddyssey was written by Homer?"
me: "I don't. In fact, for centuries, scholars have debated whether an individual named "Homer" ever actually existed."
genius: "Oh my god, you're so stupid. Your logic is so completely flawed, I can't even answer your question."
me: "Um, well, here's a link to a wikipedia article that might help:" http://nostalgia.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homer
genius: "Wow, you're dumb. Only an idiot would fail to realize that god is everything and everywhere."
me: "Boy, do I feel dumb."
I understand why this guy lashed out like that, however. Religious people can't debate religion because, to them, it's not an academic pursuit. It's a belief system. It would be like trying to debate pedophilia with a pedophile, or conservatism with a republican, or nascar with a redneck. These are deeply held beliefs and anyone who would challenge that, even for the sake of debate, is personally attacking them. Not to mention, it's damn difficult to defend religion from someone who considers magical, invisible people to be preposterous (at best) or laughable (at worst).
But, back to the soul. If the soul is a magical, invisible presence that controls your body, then how is it you have free will? Do "you" control you, or does your soul control you. Is it a constant struggle? Does your soul have will-power, and, if so, does it therefore give in to temptation?? Maybe you're a good person, but your soul is a week-willed bastard dragging you down to hell in the same way that one half of the titanic sucked the other half down to the bottom of the Atlantic.
I imagine the soul as a little cartoon person being carried around in a papoose, being strapped to someone and being forced to watch and hear horrible crimes being committed on a regular basis. Poor little soul.
Well, if that hasn't convinced your soul to drive your body over and buy my house, nothing will!
(I'm looking forward to some fantastic comments! But please try to address at least some of my points.)
Monday, October 8, 2007
Imagine there's no heaven...
Holy Moses from Sidney,
First, thanks for all the comments! I sincerely appreciate all of you taking the time.
Second, I think my message might have gotten lost. As Tim helped to point out, I was only talking about the math. I don't think anyone can argue with the fact that the vast majority of humanity aren't (or weren't) fundamental christians. BY DEFINITION, they are guaranteed to go to hell if they never accepted jesus into their heart. If even 50% of all humanity are christians, that still leaves half of everybody who has ever lived going to hell. That's rough!
Today, I want to discuss motivation. My question is this: Why do most people become christians in the first place? It's unreasonable to assume that, immediately upon becoming a christian, someone instantly feels a deep and abiding love for their god. Therefore, there must be some other driving force.
I submit that it's fear that drives someone to become saved. "Saved" suggests that there's something from which to be saved, of course. Saved from hell is the presumption.
Consider this: If you don't accept christ into your heart, what's the alternative? Eternity in hell, right? That's an awfully serious "Carrot and Stick" scenario. I think the mafia has a similar program... You remember, it's something like "An offer you can't refuse."
Imagine this: I come to your house and offer you riches beyond belief if you'll only love me with all your heart. That's literally all I ask. However, you have to REALLY love me, not just say you love me. Also, you really should start living for me (although, in some versions of christianity, it's not absolutely necessary).
On the other hand, if you can't (or won't) love me, I'm going to have to kill you by burning you to death, slowly and painfully. I don't WAN'T to burn you to death, but I just can't abide you with me otherwise. I already burned my dog to death in your place so that you'd have the opportunity to love me, and if you can't appreciate that, maybe you're just an ungrateful bastard after all!
Is there really a difference with what I suggested and what the christian bible (the new testament, anyway) purports? IMHO, it's exactly the same thing. Naturally, given the scenario I proposed, of course you'd find a way to love me with all your heart. You might even convince other people to start loving me, too, just to show how much you love me. Also, they may not really believe that I will burn them up if they don't, so, really, you're saving them from the fate that they'd otherwise suffer!
And WHY do people deserve to be burned up if they don't take what I offer? Because they're great, great grandfathers were jerks and didn't do what I told them to do.
Another factor in the "fear as a motivator" series is, instead of fear of everlasting pain and suffering, it's the fear of being nothing. It is damn near impossible to consider not being. That there is no hereafter. I'll bet that you can't do it... that, whether christian or not, you'll always imagine something after death. Go ahead, try it... I'll wait.
Finaly, I think the last reason people are hoping for some kind of life after death is so that "bad" people get what's coming to them. I can't count how many times I've heard a christian talking about how they hope some guy fries in hell, etc, etc. I think it stems from a sense of powerlessness. If they weren't powerless, they'd take matters into their own hands and not wait on an angry god to do their punishing for them.
Next week: The soul! What is it, and how does it work?
Now, conquer your fear and go out there and buy my house!
First, thanks for all the comments! I sincerely appreciate all of you taking the time.
Second, I think my message might have gotten lost. As Tim helped to point out, I was only talking about the math. I don't think anyone can argue with the fact that the vast majority of humanity aren't (or weren't) fundamental christians. BY DEFINITION, they are guaranteed to go to hell if they never accepted jesus into their heart. If even 50% of all humanity are christians, that still leaves half of everybody who has ever lived going to hell. That's rough!
Today, I want to discuss motivation. My question is this: Why do most people become christians in the first place? It's unreasonable to assume that, immediately upon becoming a christian, someone instantly feels a deep and abiding love for their god. Therefore, there must be some other driving force.
I submit that it's fear that drives someone to become saved. "Saved" suggests that there's something from which to be saved, of course. Saved from hell is the presumption.
Consider this: If you don't accept christ into your heart, what's the alternative? Eternity in hell, right? That's an awfully serious "Carrot and Stick" scenario. I think the mafia has a similar program... You remember, it's something like "An offer you can't refuse."
Imagine this: I come to your house and offer you riches beyond belief if you'll only love me with all your heart. That's literally all I ask. However, you have to REALLY love me, not just say you love me. Also, you really should start living for me (although, in some versions of christianity, it's not absolutely necessary).
On the other hand, if you can't (or won't) love me, I'm going to have to kill you by burning you to death, slowly and painfully. I don't WAN'T to burn you to death, but I just can't abide you with me otherwise. I already burned my dog to death in your place so that you'd have the opportunity to love me, and if you can't appreciate that, maybe you're just an ungrateful bastard after all!
Is there really a difference with what I suggested and what the christian bible (the new testament, anyway) purports? IMHO, it's exactly the same thing. Naturally, given the scenario I proposed, of course you'd find a way to love me with all your heart. You might even convince other people to start loving me, too, just to show how much you love me. Also, they may not really believe that I will burn them up if they don't, so, really, you're saving them from the fate that they'd otherwise suffer!
And WHY do people deserve to be burned up if they don't take what I offer? Because they're great, great grandfathers were jerks and didn't do what I told them to do.
Another factor in the "fear as a motivator" series is, instead of fear of everlasting pain and suffering, it's the fear of being nothing. It is damn near impossible to consider not being. That there is no hereafter. I'll bet that you can't do it... that, whether christian or not, you'll always imagine something after death. Go ahead, try it... I'll wait.
Finaly, I think the last reason people are hoping for some kind of life after death is so that "bad" people get what's coming to them. I can't count how many times I've heard a christian talking about how they hope some guy fries in hell, etc, etc. I think it stems from a sense of powerlessness. If they weren't powerless, they'd take matters into their own hands and not wait on an angry god to do their punishing for them.
Next week: The soul! What is it, and how does it work?
Now, conquer your fear and go out there and buy my house!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)