"Ouch!" from Sidney!

Ok, so I'm helping out one of my new co-worker friends here in loverly Sidney. He's got starter problems with his mini-van, and being the good Samaritan that I am, I offer to help.

No problem, just lift the hood, remove a couple bolts and Voila. Naturally, no good deed goes unpunished. The 15 minute job ended up taking about 3 hours because HIS minivan's starter is underneath the engine (about 3 inches of clearance), and it's wedged up underneath the manifold.

No problem. We borrow a jack and a couple of jack stands from another co-worker and a piece of cardboard to lie down on, and Voila! Oh, no, not quite so easy. The only tool that will really fit into the ridiculously tight space is a 15 milimeter box-end wrench. Guess what tool we DON'T have handy??? Eventually, yet another friend brings over the biggest 15 milimeter ratchet the world has ever seen. I jam this sucker into my the tightest space I've ever seen, mostly by sense of smell at this point, and just start turning. FINALLY, we get the last bolt off and the starter comes right out. A roar rose from the crowd.

Naturally, putting the starter back in is a lot easier than getting the sucker out, so we pretty much had it sorted in about 15 or 20 minutes. Being the good mechanic that I am, however, I decide to go in for one last sortie just to make sure all the connections are snug.

Somehow, while snugging up literally the last nut, the one that is connected to the positive side of the battery (can you see where this is going?), I managed to touch the end of the ratchet to the engine block while simultaneously touching the gold wedding ring on my left hand. SNAP, CRACKLE, POP went the sparks and suddenly my left ring finger feels like it's being branded.

Of course, my ring is way too small to come off comfortably, so I'm watching the smoke waft from my finger as I wait in agony for the thing to cool down. I didn't want to rip my ring off because I wasn't sure how much skin was going to come with it.

After a minute or so, it finally cooled to the point where I thought it would be safe to remove without degloving the finger. When I looked at it in the light, I saw about a square inch of skin hanging off the finger and blisters already starting to form around the rest.

Long story short, I burned my finger pretty good. Here are the photos to further illustrate my point (click on the picture to get a close-up):



Painful, you ask? Nah, only during the actual burning part. Since then, it hasn't really been particularly painful at all. Gross, yes - painful, no.

I'm now undergoing a little at-home neosporin treatment. I keep checking for blood poisoning, but so far, I'm clean.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating: No good deed goes unpunished! ;-)

House pictures

Salutations from Sidney!

Well, you asked for it, you got it! Here are some pictures of both the "Pit" we live in currently and the new house we intend to move into by the middle of April. First the "Pit":


Exterior:



Living room - ish



Shower area (basement) - yikes.


Believe me when I say that these pictures do not do the place justice! ;-)


Now, the new house:


Front / Back

Kitchen / Living room

Basement! (It's Gigantic!)

Yes, my friends, in a mere 3 weeks, life will be good again! I'm so happy... ;-)

Latest house stuff - and a happy birthday.

"How-do, Honey" from Sidney!

My ex-step-grandmother used to say that to me every time she saw me. This is when I was about 12 or 13 years old. Of course, she thought she was "country", so she'd say it like "Howww-Doo, Huuuunnneee". Imagine that lady from Hee-Haw, the one with the price tag hanging from her hat. Yeah, that's it.

Why did I think of that, you ask? Unknown. Every now and again I hear her voice yodelling out that greeting, and it sets my teeth on edge. I guess I didn't really like my ex-step-grandmother all that much, come to think of it... Hmm.

Anyway, today is my best friend's birthday. His name is Daren and he lives back in Carson City where some of my family still live. He's also just turned 40, but he doesn't look nearly as good as I do! To be completely honest, I have five best friends, spread out all over the country, but Daren is my first,+ best friend.

He and I met when we were about 14. It was love at first sight - we were both thin and had long, luxurious hair. Ah, the memories. His first words to me were, "Hey, you wanna go in halves on a dime bag." He always did have a way with words.

Naturally, I was all for it, and the next thing you know we were smoking ourselves into obvlivion and bonding. I think we were bonding, anyway, it's all kinda fuzzy. All I know for sure is there was a lot of nakedness invovled.

When we were in high school, Daren, Chris, Brian and I all agreed to meet in New York for the Millenium's new year's eve celebration. We would be 33 years old by then, and would marvel at how exciting our lives would be by that point. Sadly, we never made it - mostly because those other bastards completely forgot about the plan. What a waste of money on those matching noisemakers!

But I digress. It's also William Shatner's and Marcell Marceau's birthday. I'll bet they never forgot any promises they made with their highschool chums!

The contract for the new house got signed yesterday. We sent it off to the VA Mortgage lady who will now schedule the VA inspection. Once that's done, it's a simple matter of closing on the loan. The annoying part is that the VA inspector has 10 work days to get off his ass and actually inspect the damn thing. If he finds anything that needs fixing, however, we'll have to work with the sellers to get it corrected before we can close on the loan. It's all a big pain in the ass!

On the plus side, we'll have two large-ish mortgages to pay every month that our old house fails to sell! Wait a minute... that's not the plus side... What was I thinking?? Silly me. (please buy my house)

If you haven't heard, the only good thing about the relocation to Sidney is that all we need is somebody to make a legitimate offer on the house (in writing). Once that happens, the relocation company will buy the house from me. They'll wire me the difference between what I owe on the house and the negotiated sale price. Then, they'll own the house, and they'll have to pay the commission and all the closing costs. And, if the buyer backs out at the last minute, they'll begin making all the mortgage, insurance and utility payments. Once they wire me the money, the house will still technically be in my name, but it will no longer be my responsibility whatsoever.

That will be great! I've already predicted an offer by tomorrow, so within a couple of weeks, we should be swimming in cash! I might buy a new shirt - a t-shirt that says, "I'm rich!". That will be funny.

Actually, I promised a guy at work that, when our house sells, I'll take his family out to dinner. He's a big boy and he's got four kids and a wife (who are all probably also all decent-sized - I've never met them), so it's probably going to be a bit spendy. But, that's ok - I'll be wearing my t-shirt and a big old smile!

Happy Birthday, Daren! You promise-forgetting bastard!!! ;-)

Nothing to add...

Good afternoon from Sidney,

Well, I don't really have anything of interest to post, I just got tired of seeing those nearly naked pictures of me with my rifle every time I started my browser.

We went and took another tour of the "new" house today. We don't sign the contract until Wednesday or so, so there's not much to do in the meantime. It's a really nice house with a huge basement and a good sized yard. I've got some pictures, but only of the inside. It's kind of pointless to post them, though, because the house is mostly empty and the only stuff in it belongs to an old woman - not exactly the same taste as ours.

I don't think we're going to be able to move in until the middle of April, though, as the owners (the old lady's kids) live out of town, and won't be around enough to get the paperwork sorted in a timely manner. I already don't like these people! ;-)

Suzanne's planning on going back to Omaha the first week of April to get her horse. Boy, I can't wait!! Nothing I like better than a big old stinky stupid horse.

Speaking of animals I hate, did I mention about the idiot cat the wife showed up with a couple weeks ago? Anybody who knows me knows I hate cats like no other animal on the goddess' green earth. Apparently, this was news to the wife who spent a hundred dollars of my money (or "our" money, I guess) on this ridiculous little thing.

I haven't decided exactly how this cat will meet its demise... The guillotine, the rack -hah! mere child's play to what I've got in mind. Actually, I don't really have anything in mind... I'll probably just "accidentally" leave the door open one day and it will wander away on its own. Our street isn't particularly busy, but you never know. Here's hoping.

I guess that's about all I have now. I'll take some pictures of the outside of the house and include a couple of the interior on the next exciting installment of "Anthony's Blog".

(Yeah, I really should have put more thought into the title...)

Peace out.

Sad day/Almost happy day

Hello from Sidney,

Strange title, you say? Well, yesterday was a sad day because one of my favorite comedians, Richard Jeni, killed himself. I can almost guarantee that you've never heard of Richard Jenni, but the man was a comic genius. He is probably only remembered from his starring role in the short-lived comedy series, Platypus Man (here's a link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112124/ ).

He was brilliant, but the show was pretty much boilerplate comedian-in-a-sitcom schtick. I seem to remember it was cancelled mid-season.

On the other hand, it was almost a happy day because the wife's little idiot orange Pomeranian (Fizzy) NEARLY choked to death on a piece of steak. It sounds horrible, but it was actually pretty funny.

The story goes like this: Chase, the boy, didn't want to eat his pot roast, so he was surreptitiously dropping large-ish bits of steak onto the ground in the hopes that one of the 100 pound German Shepperds would happen by and relieve him of the trouble of having to eat it. However, funnily enough (my own expression, thank you), the only dog small enough to fit under the table undiscovered was the 5 pound Pomeranian.

She took advantage of this once in a lifetime (for her, anyway) opportunity and began "wolfing" down the meat. Sadly, depending on your perspective, having no teeth, and an esophagus roughly the size of a soda straw, she got it just past the back of her throat where it wedged rather nicely.

Now, Chase and I both heard her scrambling about under the table, but neither of us particularly care for this dog, so we didn't bother looking under to see if she was actually in any kind of trouble. Also, Chase didn't really want to bring any attention to his underhanded activity, so he was doubly not interested in checking it out.

Fortunately, again depending on your perspective, Suzanne sensed the danger from the other room and came a-runnin'. She dove under the table and pulled her out, and began trying to pry her little jaws apart. It was pretty obvious at that point that something wasn't right, and Chase and I nearly paid attention. (Neither of us like this damn dog, remember.)

She finally jammed her fingers down the dog's throat but couldn't get her fingers around the half-dollar size piece of meat. So, she decided if she couldn't get it out, she'd help jam it the rest of the way down her throat.

When I saw this, my medical training immediately came to the fore, and I let her know that she was probably jamming the food down the dog's trachea, and not her esophagus. I guess the wife figured it was worth the risk and finally got it all the way down.

Well, long story short, the little dog's tongue went from blue back to pink and she survived. I guess it wasn't her trachea after all.

After the wife got done yelling at Chase, she took the dog into her bedroom to love all over her or something. This whole time, we neither of us stopped eating dinner or even got up from the table, for that matter. I looked over at him and he looked back at me, and I asked him if he felt bad about nearly killing the dog. He said, "Nah, I don't really like that dog."

I said, "Yeah, neither do I." And we finished our dinner. He asked if he could have some dessert, but I told him no since he nearly killed the dog. He shrugged and went off to play on the computer. Who says I don't punish my kid??

Anyway, tomorrow is the release of God of War II, and we're all really excited. Well, me and the boys are anyway, the wife really couldn't care less. She's just not much fun, I guess.

Sidney Hometown News

(I've just created this blog so as to give my faithful readership the opportunity to read my posts at their leisure and in the privacy of their own homes.)

Good morning from sunny Sidney, NE!

Let me start things off with the following: I just purchased my first rifle! It's an SKS semi-automatic. Apparently, the store get shipments of these "vintage" rifles from time to time, and being employees, we get first dibs. The wierd thing is that, being a used and foreign weapon, it gets dipped and shipped in something called Cosmolene (sp). This stuff is like really sticky oil and it gets dipped and baked into every crevice and cranny. So, right now, it's sitting in my friend's 'easy-bake rifle oven' - essentailly, a big wooden crate with a bunch of high power light bulbs in it. I guess it gets up to about a couple hundred degrees in there.

So, I guess I've completed the transition. Moving to Sidney has been pretty stressful and frightening, but I think we've really begun settling in. I mean just the other day, the wife didn't yell at me at all! I waited until about 11pm when I finally reminded her of this, though. She told me she was too tired at that point to really put a sincere effort into it, so I let her off the hook. I'm really understanding that way.

The house hunting is finally coming to an end - I hope. We're basically pre-approved and all the mortgage lady is waiting on is our finalized contract and my DD Form 214. Apparently, when I left the military, they gave me a piece of paper and said something like, "Don't ever lose this piece of paper." I don't really recall the conversation, but the wife assures me they did.

Well, anybody who knows me knows that the FIRST thing I'm going to do with some important documentation is lose it, and that's exactly what I did. I literally don't recall ever having laid eyes on this thing in the nearly 8 years since I left the AF.

So, I told the mortgage lady all about my poor organizational skills, and she was very sympathetic. She told me, basically, that without it, I could forget getting a VA loan and would have to do it like regular people do. I laughed and laughed, then immediately started googling my ass off trying to figure out how to get a replacement DD Form 214. The joke's on her, though, because they now have that information online in some fancy "database" thingy.

So, with that paperwork in transit, and with the pre-approval, etc, there's every chance that we can close on that house by the end of the month. No later than the 15th of April, surely.

I think I mentioned in my last message about how the landlord wanted us to move into the basement while they did some "peaceful" rebuilding upstairs. Again, I laughed and laughed. Instead, I compromised and allowed him to do the upstairs bathroom and some of the wall removal while we were at work. Little did I realize that the plaster from the walls would soon be decorating every single surface in the house! My computer was under like an inch of dust, and my kids were nowhere to be seen! Fortunately, they were done with the dusty bit within a couple of days, so tonight I wiped down al of my stuff and recabled the computers, and everything is all shiny again.

We got all the servers at work sorted out for DST and I haven't heard anything today, so I'm guessing nothing exploded.

Anyway, I suppose I should cut this short-ish. What do you think of the BLOG format? Obviously, I'm a big fan, but I'd like to hear from you - the little people. Feel free to post to your hearts' delight. If you have any trouble, just send me an e-mail and I'll try to figure it out.

Anthony
Somewhere in Nebraska