Saturday, August 25, 2007

Paranoia

Latest "news" from Sidney,

First, I got a lot of response from my last post regarding advice for the college-aged geek. Thanks! I tried to limit myself to only 10 things because I figured more than that would just end up getting forgotten. I will probably send out more of these as they occur to me.

As for the title, I've found that I need to be careful what I put into my BLOG as my entries are sometimes forwarded on to those that I would rather they not. Therefore, I've instituted a self-editing feature. From now on, all of my posts will be scrubbed of any questionable content and instead posted on my new, SECRET blogspace. Those that I can trust will be sent the new address. Crap, I've probably said too much already... :-)

At any rate, here's what's new:

Christopher has begun playing organized football, and I've been volunteering as an assistant coach. It's a 3rd - 4th grade leage and, so far, it's been fantastic. He's not a natural football player, but he's got a pretty good attitude, and we're both having a lot of fun.

On Thursday night, all the coaches got together and we broke the 45 kids into two teams. It ended up working out really well - there were only two kids that I really wished I could have had on our team.

Chase is not playing football. He's 4'5" and 65 pounds, so he's tall and thin - not really built for football. Fortunately, he has little to no interest in playing so it works out well for everybody. We're thinking baseball or soccer for him, assuming we can get him off the computer long enough to play sports.

Obviously, we've still not sold our house. We dropped the prize by around 10k, so we're hopeful that that will generate some interest. If not, we've already been in contact with those "we buy your house" people, and we know that we can get 5k out of them in a worst-case scenario. If the house doesn't sell by December (when the contract is over), we're just going to give up and deal with these bloodsuckers.

We've also considered renting the house until the market turns around, but I don't know if I want to deal with that drama. Although, it may not be a bad idear to have a house to move back to if we ever decide to go back to Omaha.

I'd rather the damn place just sells and be done with it. We literally couldn't have picked a worse time to try to sell our house.

What else is going on? Um, I guess nothing, really. Just hanging out and trying to enjoy life, I suppose. Don't forget the super-secret blogspace coming soon!

With that in mind, sneak over and buy my house, godamit!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Ode to Cody Joe

First, let me explain the title: Our summer intern (Cody) recently left to go back to college. I imagined what advice I would give this kid, or any kid, heading out into the world. What advice would I give to my own kids when they were ready to leave?

So, with that in mind, allow me to present “Anthony’s Advice to the college-aged kid (Geek edition)”:

1. Be patient: Every kid thinks that they have to experience everything RIGHT NOW. For instance, they have to get married today, they have to get a career today, they have to do everything TODAY. Instead, enjoy being a kid today – the rest of that crap will come soon enough.

2. Get your ass in shape: As a geek, you will probably think that being in shape is a waste of time – you have a “mind” after all. But, the truth is, the better you are physically, the better your brain will perform. Also, no matter how ugly your face is, having a good body will make up for most of it (you’ve seen Arnold Schwarzenegger, yes?) You don’t have to be a body builder, just put on some muscle for chrissakes. This will garner dividends beyond mere physical fitness.

3. Take care of your appearance: You don’t have to be Tommy Hilfiger, but pay attention to what the styles of the day are, and force yourself to emulate them (within reason). Also, get a decent haircut, take a shower, get lasik surgery (or contacts), and shave that sad facial hair that makes you look smart (so you think). This, along with tip 2, might actually make you somewhat attractive. Being attractive is, sadly, critical to your future success, regardless of your career. If you think it isn’t, do the math.

4. Make friends with people outside your normal crowd: You might think that the football players are a bunch of Neanderthals who want nothing more than to play ball and beat up geeks. Ok, you’re right. But, there are bound to be a couple jock-types that find your particular brand of intelligence interesting enough to get to know you. These are the guys that can help you with tips 2 and 3, while you help them with the jock edition of this advice.

5. Fight your nerdish tendencies: I’m not saying “don’t be nerdy/geeky”. I’m saying keep it within reason, and try to avoid being super-geek in the wrong environments. For instance, playing D&D in your dorm room with a bunch of your friends is cool. Playing D&D in the cafeteria during lunch hour is not cool.

6. Go outside: Having a pale, sickly pallor is perfectly natural for most geeks. It shows the world that you are proud of your geek ancestry and upbringing. However, this won’t help you anywhere but at the geek Olympics or on Jeopardy. Also, a little fresh air opens the mind and invigorates the body. Try it, you’ll see.

7. Talk to girls: Ever since Bill Gates, girls have come to realize that smart geeky guys are likely to become smart geeky successful men with a lot of disposable income. They are ripe for the pickin’! The trick, however, is to NOT be creepy. Let the girl do most of the talking (there's a tough trick, eh?). A woman wants nothing more than to hear the sound of her own voice. Jocks understand this intuitively which is one of the reasons they get laid. Also, girls already assume you’re smart – if you are constantly reminding them how smart you are, there’s a good chance they’ll move on to less irritating geeks. People of average intelligence don’t want to be reminded that they’re of average intelligence.

8. Moderate your genius: Ok, this one is especially difficult, even for me. Apparently, and I find this really difficult to believe, most people aren’t impressed with how smart you are. They are not awed by the depths of your mind, nor your ability to perform complicated math in your head. Also, they DON’T want to be corrected even if they’re painfully, ridiculously wrong! They won’t appreciate your help if you try to show them when they’re making a mistake. The ONLY time that a non-geek will appreciate your help is when they ask you for it specifically. So, basically, fight your geek tendencies and try to be a little self-deprecating. It will go a long way!

9. Learn to defend yourself: Sooner or later, you’re going to be in a position where some jock-type is going to try to use you to show how cool he is by smacking you around a little. I suggest mixed martial arts (UFC-style). Karate or Kung Fu sounds cool, but it’s pretty much useless in real life. I’d much rather fight a karate kid than somebody who knows how to really scrap. If you can’t find someone or someplace to teach you UFC-style fighting, I’d suggest learning to box or wrestle. These are the things that will keep you from becoming a human punching bag.

10. Take risks: I can't stress this enough. It sounds foolish, but you have to prove to yourself that you can survive risky situations. It builds confidence. Granted, the risk vs. reward assessment will tell you NOT to take pointless risks, but sometimes you have to go against the stats. Every now and again you will fail (maybe even painfully), but that will also teach you how to deal with failure. You just have to ask yourself, "What's the worst that could happen?" As long as there isn't a good chance that you will die or become permanently disabled, I say take the risk. If you always take the safe route, you will just end up becoming an easily frightened, scared little man. You and your cats will be very happy together.

I’d like to add more, but these are probably the most important ones (in my “humble” opinion). Take this advice or don’t, naturally it’s up to you. But, having lived the geek life even back before being a geek was cool, I fancy myself something of an authority on the matter. If you think you know better, you’re wrong. ;-)

Now, go out there and take a risk by buying my house!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Where the heck are the comments???

Good Gravy from Sidney,

I'm curious to know what kind of readership I have here on the old blog. Therefore, I would really appreciate it if you would leave just a quick comment that says that you stop by from time to time.

Just sign it with your first name and last initial. Of course, you're welcome to leave more than just your name - for instance, you could tell me what a wonderful, thought-inspiring blog I've put together here. Or, you could remind me just how sexy cool I really am... :-)

I'd like to know the makeup of my audience, presuming I have an audience. I will begin tailoring my posts accordingly.

Thanks.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Short and Sweet

Good morning from loverly Sidney,

I just got back from "camping" in the freaking woods with my wife and her family. They went out there last Thursday, but I didn't join them until yesterday afternoon, and I only stayed the night. I left at approximately 7am this morning after having spent a fantastic night crammed into the front seat of my truck.

Allow me to explain: Suzanne's trailer will sleep 3 comfortably or 6 really uncomfortably. As it was, Suzanne and Chris slept on the floor, Chase and I had what could laughably be called the hide-a-bed, and Grandma and Grandpa had the real bed in the loft compartment.

Due to some miscommunication, Suzanne only booked the "modern" campsite for the first night, so they were stuck with the "primitive" campsite for the subsequent nights.

What's the difference, you ask? Basically, electricity. She couldn't plug in her trailer, so was forced to run her generator for the AC, lights, etc. This worked fine until 10pm when all generators were required to be powered-off. Naturally, no generator equals no AC. 6 people jammed into a space the size of a really large bathroom tend to generate a lot of stuffiness (and body-odor). I believe it was this stuffiness that caused her parents to snore like a couple of longshoremen on a bender.

If the AC had been running, it might have drowned out the noise, but alas it was dead silent except for those two up there sawing wood like a couple of deranged loggers.

Eventually, the noise and the mugginess drove me out of the trailer. But where to go, I asked myself. The only other option was the truck (I don't sleep outside). Naturally, the back seat angled back in such a way as to jam me into the same space between the seat and the backrest as those long lost seat belt buckles. I could stretch out but I couldn't breathe as my rib cage was getting crushed by the stupid angle.

So, I moved to the front seat, which wasn't bad except for the fact that the back only goes down far enough to make you ALMOST comfortable enough to fall asleep. Instead, it stops about 1.5 inches too short leaving you in a constant state of wanting more. Eventually, I nodded off out of sheer exhaustion, only to be awakened at 6:17am by our moron dog. The "neighbor's" dog wandered over and riled up our dog who, being stuck in his kennel, decided to make up for his lack of ability to sniff the other one's ass by barking his damn fool head off.

Suzanne, of course, was nowhere to be seen, so I had to get out of the truck, shoo away the other idiot dog, and beat my dog into frightened, subdued silence. By then, I was "up" and the only thing on my mind was getting the hell out of there. So, I said my goodbyes, and loaded up the truck and moved to Sid-uh-ney.

I got home about 8am, grabbged a little breakfast (trailmix - in honor of my recent camping adventure), and started mowing the lawn. By 9am it was already about 90 degrees, so I decided to leave the back yard basically unmowed while I guzzled water and googled "heatstroke". You can't be too careful. Eventually, my heartrate dropped back down to 120 or so, and I was able to consider what to do with the rest of my day. Why not blog it up, I asked myself.

So I did. The end.

(BTW, if you haven't bought my house yet, ask yourself what the hell you're waiting for and get out there and do it already!)

Friday, August 3, 2007

Possible Harry Potter spoiler alert:

Well, I just finished the final Harry Potter book. I was absolutely convinced some asshole would walk up to me and say, “Hey, did you hear how Harry Potter ends? Blah blah blah.” Or, I’d be reading some completely unrelated website and accidentally stumble across some crucial factoid or other.

Fortunately, that did not happen. I would have been quite cheesed otherwise…
I’m sure that people think it’s hilarious to watch me fume angrily while contemplating their imminent torture and eventual demise, never realizing how closely they've come to instant and complete annihilation.

If you’ve never read the HP books because you've heard it’s a children’s story, and certainly beneath your dignity, then I’m really glad for you. You’ve neatly excised any opportunity to enjoy a really well-written (and phenomenally well-received) story for the sake of your machismo! You, sir, are brilliant!

For those of you who happen to be a bit more open-minded, I’m sure you’re having a wonderful time discovering how Harry and his band of merry mates work to find the means to destroy LV (as I like to call him) once and for all… or do they??? ;-)

At any rate, I was pleased with the ending. It often seems that ending a series of books is difficult in the extreme and I seldom read a satisfying conclusion. However, in this case, I’d give it an A-.

For me the question wasn’t “Will Harry kill Voldemort?”, the question was “Will Harry and Voldemort both die in the end.” I know that American audiences love to see a happy ending, but I was really hoping that the author, being British, would insert enough reality so as to avoid the insulin rush I normally get. I wasn’t disappointed - in fact, I was pleasantly surprised.

You know, I can’t recall ever having read a book where the good guys lose in the end. I think that would be really novel (no pun intended… ok, maybe it was intended, but you have to admit it was pretty good). By the way, in deference to the non-HP readers out there, that’s “novel” as in “novelty”.

Ok, enough about HP, let’s talk about work. There’s a big re-org that just occurred in my area. One of the supervisors has become a manager, one of my co-workers has replaced the newly promoted supervisor, and yet another co-worker is about to head up his own new group. Notice that I didn’t mention my own promotion in any of that. Now, what I don’t know is what this will mean for yours truly.

What I’ve been told is that, in the short term, the “new” supervisor will be my supervisor. This isn’t a big deal because I was in the military and learned that I could work for anybody. However, what I don’t know is my eventual permanent position.

It’s been suggested that I become an application administrator while continuing to work for the new supervisor, permanently. (Pardon me as I chuckle heartily while shaking my head and smiling ruefully.) Naturally, being a Unix Admin, I consider application admins to be little more than semi-trained monkeys (that’s for you, David B.) Ok, I’m exaggerating slightly – they’re only partially-trained.

At any rate, I’m really curious to hear what the boss has to say on Monday when he gets back from Canada. I’m wondering if he will try to force me to “become” an app dude. I say, become but what I really mean, of course, is devolve. I imagine that, should I be forced to choose between staying in beautiful Sidney as an app admin, or moving back to Omaha as a Unix Admin, I’m pretty sure I’ll be buying some boxes and calling my old boss! ;-)

My wife, of course, would be ecstatic. She’s been pretty bummed lately and really missing her life back in Omaha. I’ve been telling her to suck it up, but if MY job starts sucking, we’re splitting! Heheh.

What I imagine will happen is that I will move downstairs with the other Unix Admins and start working on their hardware as well as my own. That’s pretty cool because they have some nice IBM gear (AIX) that I’ve got some familiarity with.

Speaking of work, I just got back from Omaha where we set up a new DR site. It was pretty cool – I got to see a lot of my old friends (Hi friends) while I was there.

Also, it was a lot of fun installing brand new hardware and trying to get everything working. It seems like we were successful, but we won’t really know for sure until next week when we get all of the remote network stuff in place.

While I was in Bellevue, I stopped by the old house. It still looks like shit – I wonder why it hasn’t sold yet…

Finally, Chris (the crazy one) got a Mohawk haircut the other day. His mom was out of town on some stupid horsey trip, and he asked me if I would give him a Mohawk. Naturally, I said yes and the next thing you know he was sporting a kicking new style. Long story short – his mom was not amused when she came home on Sunday. It’s since been cut down to where you can just barely tell it’s a Mohawk, but it was
cool while it lasted.

Speaking of Suzanne, her pop is in town this weekend and they’re out camping right now about an hour away from here. I’m going to drive out there tomorrow and hang out for the day. I don’t really want to stay the night, so I’ll probably come back early.

I guess that’s about it. I’m no longer hoping that the house sells because we may be moving back before long if those crazy app admins get their grubby mitts on me!
Oh, what the hell, buy my house anyway… I’ll get another one. I’m a big fan of multiple mortgages.

Love and kisses. Your hero,

Anthony.