AI and Retards on Jeopardy

First, let me explain the retard bit.

It's Celebrity Week on Jeopardy which means that would-be retards, only relatively intelligent when compared to other celebrities, take time out of their busy, b-list schedules to invade one of my favorite TV shows - all the while pandering to the lowest common denominator.

The reason I hate this week more than Kids Week is because the kids are actually smarter than the general population. And because they don't do that bullshit charity business.

"Who are you playing for, Jim?"
"I'm playing for Dogs without Borders, Alex. It's a little known charity, but they do some really important stuff. Like, um, they walk the dogs. And, uh, feed them and stuff."
"That's great, Jim."
"Oh, and I'd like to say I've got a new movie coming out and everyone should go see it. I'm pretty sure it's called, 'Help, the aliens are coming, and I can't get up'. It's a period piece."
"Um, alrighty then..."

SNL is the only show that should ever do Jeopardy Celebrity Week.

Anyway, on to AI. Some really fantastic performances, and some (hopefully) forgettable performances... I"m looking at you, Anoop.

Here's the breakdown from my somewhat skewed perspective:

1. Lil Rounds: Great job - Awesome booty. She started the season right.
2. Blind Melon: Couldn't be more boring. Simon is finally getting tired of this whole business, thank god.
3. Robert Downy Jr: Fantastic start to finish. Top 3, guaranteed.
4. Michael Oil Rig guy: Yawnsville. Ugly family to boot.
5. Jasmine: "Ladies and gentlemen, the 40 year old teenager." What's wrong with this girl? She's young and beautiful - why is she so boring??
6. Kris Allen: Fun song, well performed. Guitar was kind iffy, but he pulled it off. I agree with Simon - he'd do better to not bring up the wife in every other sentence.
7. Allison: Great hair color and great song! She's got an outside chance if she keeps this up - AND, remembers to be super nice to her stylist. Losing 10 or 20 more LB's wouldn't hurt, either.
8. Noop Dog: Hey, that's a good idear - "Beat it!"
9. Jorge: Sounded a little desperate. Also boring.
10. Megan Tattoo: Somebody PLEASE give this woman some advice! Enough with the stupid dancing, twirling, whatever the hell it is you're doing up there. And, Rockin' Robin??? WTF?? Michael Jackson made about 50 really great tunes, and you chose that?! jesus christ, girl, use your head and pick a damn song that works.
11. Adam MT: Wow. The vocals were good, but the stage presence really sold that performance. I wasn't as over the moon as Paula (shocker), but his might have been the best performance of the night.
12. Matt Piano Guy: Really solid performance. Nothing earth shattering, but he absolutely nailed the vocal. He chose what had to have been the perfect song for his skills.
13. Alexis: Wow - but not in a good way. What the hell was up with those ginormous, clod-hopper shoes she had on? She looked like a 6 year old playing dress up in Mommy's clothes. And could you possibly categorize that as "dancing" - that weird, herky-jerky movement she kept making? A really screechy performance of one of my favorite MJ songs. Sad, really.

Overall, a good night of AI, save a couple notable exceptions. My predictions for double elimination tomorrow night are Anoop and Jasmine. As hot as she is, she's just too damn boring. As for Anoop, well, the less said, the better. He's not good looking, he's not cool, he's not hip, he's just a lot of not.

Grade for these two: FAIL!